I am a strong believer that one of the most valuable gifts people can give one another is advice. I have collected advice primarily from family, friends, and teachers, and I hold them close as I journey on. With that being said, this article barely begins to list all of the gems of wisdom that people have graciously shared with me. Despite having thought about this advice for a while, I do not claim to have mastered any of it nor do I promise I ever will. All of the words of guidance below have been integral to the ongoing process of shaping my life and worldview. So, in hopes that you may find a helping hand or a new perspective in others’ words, I present to you an incomplete list of the best advice I have ever received.
1. Take advantage of positive change.
My hairdresser, Judy, and I were discussing the wave of social change in response to the murder of George Floyd and so many other acts of police brutality, when she suddenly offered profound words of wisdom. Taking decisive snips at the end of my hair, she said, “Change is like a pendulum, and when it’s all the way to one side, the right side, you have to jump on it and do as much as you can before it goes back to the other side.” Even when catalyzed by a tragically unjust event, the “right side” of change has the potential to be incredibly beneficial, but only if everyone participates in it as constructively as possible. Unfortunately, she was also correct in saying that the pendulum will swing back to the other side. Patterns of negative change continue, and they complicate efforts to unite change for the better. Therefore, take advantage of positive change while the climate facilitates it.
2. The survival rate remains stubbornly zero.
In other words, we are all going to die. This is more of an indisputable fact than a piece of advice, but I interpret it as a variation of carpe diem. I owe the astute phrasing of this statement to one of my many excellent Humanities teachers from high school, Mr. Taylor. In the least morbid way possible, he managed to remind my class of this fact every time we met during my senior year. Eventually, I realized that while I had heard this message dozens of times in my lifetime, I had never internalized it. Living in a way that demonstrates a full understanding of your own impermanence looks far different from simply knowing it.
3. Give 96% effort and spend the other 4% in the woods.
My sister, Julia, gave me this insightful piece of advice. The story behind her words involved a winning streak of 96s on her schoolwork, through which she discovered that not only were her efforts objectively more than satisfactory, they also saved her time for leisure that perfectionists can’t afford. Instead of spending the extra 4% of time studying to achieve a score of 100, she chose to romp around in the woods, Thoreau-style. You can spend the extra bit of time however you like, but the point is to do something that truly feeds your soul, since you have the opportunity. This mindset is healthy and allows you to live a little more while still achieving high marks, however you define success.
4. Do what’s best for you, not always what others want you to do.
Torn between applying to Kenyon EDII and holding off to see my results from other schools, I sought advice from Julia yet again, and she delivered. The competitive nature of the college process encouraged me to choose a school with a lower acceptance rate and a name that no one would mistake for Kenya, whispering false promises of higher recognition with no regard for my happiness. Worst of all, it was almost convincing. Julia’s words led me out of this trap, and I have never looked back since. As you can imagine, this advice can apply to a number of decisions. And if you’re worried about what people will think when you choose what’s best for you, read #2 on this list again.
5. When it comes to self-confidence, fake it ’til you make it.
This advice is brought to you by my mom. When you spend enough time faking confidence, you will eventually learn to be unapologetically yourself and understand your own worth. This is a glow-up like no other, which is well within the realm of possibility. I do not pretend to model self-confidence, but I do know that I have come a long way since my freshman year of high school, and my mom’s advice played the biggest role in my transformation. I was hesitant to try it because I value authenticity and did not want to pretend to be someone I was not. However, I learned that it’s not about putting on a permanent façade—it’s about making confident thoughts and actions a habit.
6. Always treat others with kindness.
My grandpa reminded me of the importance of kindness as we sat around a fire roasting smores on a cool summer night. I’ve always dismissed perfect practice of this advice as too ambitious even for the saintliest of people, but my grandpa challenges this belief. He hardly ever speaks unkindly about someone behind their back, and my grandma can testify to this. However, embodying kindness does not mean that you must avoid confrontation. My grandpa has shown me that there is always a loving way to fight for what is just and good. Regardless of the achievability of this advice, it is always worth it to think before you speak.
If this list included advice from books, movies, and songs, it would never end. What sets this list apart from the endless creative advice of artists I’ve never met, however, are the relationships behind each unique piece of wisdom. The incredible people who embody these wise words inspire me to try to incorporate these practices into my own being through their example. I hope that they have inspired you too, and even more than that, I hope you lend an ear to the people in your life who you can learn equally as much from.