It wasn’t until I came to college and had some persistent convincing from some friends, that I finally indulged in making a Tinder account. With the onslaught of the pandemic, I found myself with endless time on my hands and, naturally, resorted to Tinder. Before I knew it, I found that having banter with a Tinder boy became a small highlight in the beginning quarantine days full of stress and isolation. Throughout the months of swiping, messaging, and–guiltily–obsessing, I realized I’ve learned a few lessons along the way.
1. How to deal with constant, yet manageable rejection
Getting no response from or not matching with a hot Tinder fellow is the most perfect form of rejection, as it bites, but only for a minute, at most. On an app where you are making a blink of an eye decision based on a few of a person’s filtered, best photos, rejection is inevitable. Fortunately, this rejection is easy to shrug off, because you’re probably starting to place your interests in someone else’s profile by now and can’t even remember what he looks like.
2. The world really is a small place
You know how it goes. You’ve never seen him before, but ever since you’ve matched, you run into him everywhere, making this small school feel even smaller. Seeing him in real life can get awkward, but I’ve discovered that rather than living in a perpetual state of vigilance, hoping I won’t run into him, it’s better to just relieve the tension by smiling or saying hello.
3. Transforming into a full-blown, professional detective
I’ll argue it right now: identifying a catfish is one of the most important skills while dating in a digital age. On Tinder, judging a book by its cover can be the right move; if something doesn’t look right, trust yourself, and don’t swipe right. Tinder has given me elite judgment skills and has sharpened my ability to identify what I want, and, more importantly, what I don’t.
4. Plenty of decent movie recommendations
I’ll admit it, some of the best movies I’ve seen in quarantine are because of a Tinder boy’s recommendation. From Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo and Rear Window to Martin Night Shyamalan’s The Sixth Sense, all the way to David Fincher’s Seven, these are hardly a few of the movies that have become some of my all-time favorites, with endings that, to this day, rattle me to my core.
5. It’s a shy girl’s fix
As someone who considers myself an introvert in every sense of the word, my forwardness finds its outlet through Tinder messaging. While telling someone face-to-face what you think of them induces terrifying thoughts, having the buffer of the cell phone makes it a whole lot easier to confront someone you’re attracted to. When I first got Tinder, I was not prepared for how addicted I would become to the entire experience of the app, telling someone you’re into them by swiping your thumb and pursuing that attraction through texting. Tinder removes the confrontation and the nerves in the pit of your stomach. If you consider yourself to be on the shyer side, prepare to flourish on Tinder: those nerves will completely evaporate. It’s the best game on the app store, and you don’t have to pay that 99 cents.
6. The self-assertiveness to send that first message
Though I rarely make the first move in real life, I’ve found that it’s no big deal to be the one to message first. If you’ve matched with that hot guy or girl, it seems like you have a lot in common, you’re thinking about saying hi, but you’re just not sure if it’s a good idea, totally just do it. No one pays attention to who sends the first message, so have that confidence to do so.
7. If he’s in a tractor or holding a fish, swipe left
Enough said.
8. Don’t swipe when you’re bored
The harshest lesson I’ve learned so far is swiping when you’re bored and not really interested in anyone’s profile can be a critical mistake. You’ll run out of matches before you know it, and you’ll find yourself annoyed when your next swipe is that hot guy or girl. Play it safe, and if you don’t plan on talking to them, don’t bother.
9. Everyone has the same name
Almost every single person I’ve matched with is named Jake, Will, Ben, John, Sam, or Jack. It’s tested my memory, juggling each conversation, and I am completely guilty of mixing up Tinder men a time or two.
10. Sex isn’t everything
By far the most important lesson I’ve learned on Tinder is that men are not interested in the mere notion of sex, but rather cordial, mentally-stimulating conversation, perhaps about the nuances of Gone With The Wind, the modulations of the charcuterie, or, if you’re really lucky, the problematic nature of patriarchal domination. On the rare chance, his first concern is sex, know that it’s the exception, not the rule.
As I curated this list, I’ve come to realize that I’ve taken away quite a handful of lessons from a social media app, a prospect I never deemed possible. While I first judged those who had the app, I now can say I genuinely enjoy my experience on Tinder and have worthwhile, uplifting conversations with Tinder men, despite my last point. To anyone using Tinder or thinking about it after reading this, best of luck, and happy swiping!