They Weren’t Looking for Anything –– But What They Found Will Shake You to the CORE
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Finals week is nearly here, stress is on the rise, the temperature is on the decline, and Kenyon students’ top desk drawers are full of interesting things –– just another December in Gambier. Late one evening, two intrepid reporters travelled between rooms (and at one point to the market) in search of one truth: What’s in everyone’s top desk drawers? As John Keats once wrote, “‘Beauty is truth, and truth beauty,’ –– that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know,” and so we strove to find beauty within the wooden, slightly odorous depths of college-commissioned furniture. Read on to decide for yourself if we did indeed find beauty, or only uncover secrets never meant to come to light.
Drawer #1
What’s your favorite top-desk-drawer item? Hair dye à la Manning Hall.
If one item in your top desk drawer was a portkey, which would it be and why? This removable mounting putty container.
What’s your top desk drawer’s theme song? Chariots of Fire.
Drawer #2
What’s your favorite top-desk-drawer item? Envelope of a letter Adrea Lindquist sent me before school started.
If your top desk drawer was a Kenyon a capella group, which would one would it be and why? The Ransom Notes.
What is your dream top desk drawer item? Unlimited Pilot Pens.
Drawer #3
What’s your favorite top-desk-drawer item? My major declaration form from when I was gonna declare a music major, but I didn’t.
If your top desk drawer had a false bottom, what would it contain? Um… My locker in Storer? I’ve been in my locker while my cello was there and we both fit.
Do you have anything else to add? I have a pen that says “Special Aunt” because I’m an aunt, but the pen doesn’t work very well.
Drawer #4
What’s your favorite top-desk-drawer item? Definitely my party training kit. I did not know I had cotton balls!
If your top desk drawer was an amusement park ride, what would it be? Like a log flume.
Do you have anything else to add? I just realized that I found cotton balls. Wow, my second drawer is not as fun.
Drawer #5
What’s your favorite top-desk-drawer item? My euro change.
What snack food represents your top desk drawer? Pirate’s Booty.
If your top desk drawer had a secret power, what would it be? It would just have like a ramen tap.
You know that part in Harry Potter where Harry tricks Ron into believing he poured the Felix Felices into his drink to help him in a Quidditch match, but the real talent was in Ron the whole time? This was just like that, except we looked inside peeple’s top desk drawers. Honestly, we can’t say for sure if what we did was right; all we can say is that a noble attempt at journalism was made, and the truth fully realized. We might ask our readers “What’s in your top desk drawer?” but what we really want to know is “What’s in your heart?”
Image sources: Amy Schatz, Reagan Neviska, Mentalfloss.com