Top 5 Dad Workout Songs

Exercise is hard for me. I do not like sweating, I do not like the way my hair extends out in a halo of Albert-Einstein-meets-Bob-Dylan Jewfro fuzz when my weird, jerky running style loosens my ponytail. Recently, the pressures of vague yet noticeable college weight gain and guilt over not listening to Michelle Obama’s requests to bust a move have forced me to begin a loosely followed gym routine. In an effort to make going to the KAC to feel more like hanging out with your favorite jolly old Dad on a Sunday afternoon, I have made a playlist of ’60s-’80s groovin’ tunes.

1.  “Running on Empty” / Jackson Browne – If this song is motivating enough to push Forrest Gump to run across the country, it can inspire you to get on that elliptical!

2. “Where the Streets Have No Name” / U2 – I know this is a contentious pick as many people are still recovering from the way U2 forced their newest album Songs of Innocence onto the universe’s iTunes like a pushy great aunt insisting on staying the weekend. I stand by it, though, because the plinky plonky guitars are a great jogging rhythm, and Bono even begins the song with “I want to run.”

3. “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic” / The Police – My own father often tells me that I should do yoga because Sting does a ton of yoga, and look how great he looks! Though I don’t think doing yoga will make me look more like Sting, we can only hope. In terms of cardio, if you tell me those “eeOohs” at the end don’t sync up perfectly with the swoops of the elliptical, you are lying.  

4. “I Fought the Law” / The Clash – This song earns Double Dad points because the it is a cover from the 1966 Bobby Fuller Four original, so it could have been a Dad’s favorite twice. I also use the song’s tragic assertion that “the law won” to imagine an inspiring action scenario about rescuing kittens with a handsome firefighter, a la Mindy Kaling’s exercise fantasies.

5. “Walk of Life” / Dire Straits – The frontman of Dire Straits, Mark Knopfler, has bard-like songwriting credits (see his wordsmith abilities in the gushy ‘Romeo and Juliet’) with the delivery and style a baby Bob Dylan, Sting, and Bruce Springsteen never had. “Walk of Life” has an organ riff throughout that will have you stompin’ and struttin’ on that treadmill with confidence. I do not think these are the correct verbs for using the treadmill, but I cannot say for sure as I avoid it at all costs, due to a distaste of running and a fear of some kind of accident.

Though this is just a start to a workout playlist, a little over 15 minutes is about how long I intend to exercise at one time anyway. For more on Dad music, see the surprisingly Dad-approved playlist from One Direction’s Irish Elle Woods, Niall Horan. For more on Dads, call your own, or look at these pictures of baby skyscraper Chris Hemsworth. See you at the gym. Or on the streets, in my streetstrider.

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