Halloween is fast approaching and if you’re like me and have only JUST started thinking about your costume because you’ve been so focused on work forgot what day it was, homegirl, do I have a treat for you. I give you: www.Yandy.com.
Yandy is the one-stop shopping center for all your slutty Halloween needs. The great thing about Yandy is you can think of anything—even if it’s something that is absolutely never supposed to be referred to as sexy—and they have a costume for it (see: Sexy Willy Wonka). The category list on the left side of the page boasts classic sultry Halloween favorites like angels, school girls, bunnies, and French maids, but also some surprisingly unique (and at times disturbing) headings. An entire section devoted to Marie Antoinette? GOT IT. Need a sexy maternity costume? They’ve got that too. Looking to shock and simultaneously ruin scores of your peers’ childhoods? Scroll on down the Sesame Street section. Yandy’s costumes range anywhere from $15 to over $300: they really are trying to appeal to both the 99% and the 1%. And EVERYONE gets a free panty with her order. Not convinced yet? Here are my personal choices on the Top 5 Most Questionable Costumes on Yandy.com (in no particular order).
1. Shamrock Hottie: Coming from an Irish family, this costume seems VERY impractical. Does this lassie KNOW how cold and dreary Ireland is practically year-round? She’s kidding herself if she thinks she’s about to hit up Seamus O’Brien’s party at the Cliffs of Moher dressed like that—girl’s gonna freeze. Not only that, but the sheer lack of a costume really prevents this from being a viable choice anywhere, not just the homeland. Like, is she going to walk around all night with that shamrock auction paddle conveniently covering her chest? What does she do if someone goes in for a hug? I see a stiff neck and eventual scoliosis written all over her.
2. Anarchy Scout: I’m not exactly sure who Yandy thinks their audience is, but I’m going to go ahead and say this is their worst-selling costume in stock. I’m all for switching things up and keeping people on their toes, but if I had to hazard a guess, I would say 93% of Yandy’s customers don’t know what an anarchist is. “Didn’t they write some cookbook or something?” “OMG yeah! I think my mom made one of their chicken dishes last week…delish!” In the event that a true anarchist found their way onto Yandy and was looking for a costume to reflect their political views, I’m not sure the Anarchy Scout would cover it. The whole beret with evil written on it, cherries shaped like skulls, 666 on the ribs seem to be sending a lot of mixed messages. Maybe they were being ironic? That’s kind of like anemia right? I hear spinach has a lot of iron; you should eat some.
3. The Sushi’s On Me: This costume is confusing to me for a couple reasons. I’ve never really understood trying to make food, in general, sexy. Like bananas I can see for the obvious reasons, strawberries are often associated with dipping chocolates on romantic evenings, sure. Those I understand. But then you come across The Sushi’s On Me and the only logical response is…huh? For me sushi is up there with the least sexy foods of all time, right alongside liver and onions (Doug reference hayyy), meatloaf, and Peirce tilapia. Not only is it fish, it’s raw fish, unless you go the California Roll route. Simply not a come-hither sort of food group. On a completely different note…if you are of the mindset that raw fish wrapped in seaweed is indeed sexy, you would think this costume would show a little more skin, right? Their bumblebee costume is essentially a yellow and black striped bra and panties. Shouldn’t a costume inspired by (I’m assuming) the Sex and the City scene where Samantha is essentially naked have a little more naked, like the rest of their costumes? You’re sending me mixed messages, Yandy, and I don’t know if I like it. Go slutty or go home.
4. Sexy Straight-Jacket/Anita Sedative: Sweet Austin Powers rip-off, Yandy. I don’t even need to explain why this is disturbing right? Alotta Vagina = humorous. Anita Sedative = offensive. You can tow that line on Halloween with potentially less-than-tasteful costumes, but I feel like once you’re sexifying straight jackets, you’re just desperate for new costume ideas and are turning to the wrong places for inspiration. Too much Yandy; too much. THIS is what happens when crazy tries to get too sexy. Be warned.
5. Deluxe Monster Costume: Pretty scary monster, right? (I think her cleavage is probably more intimidating, maybe that’s just me). This seems to be a monster struggling from a severe identity crisis. It comes with what appears to be a garter with a chocolate chip cookie on it. Cookie Monster? The skirt has what they say are pineapples, but if you ever went to preschool, you know that they are carrots. Monster that sends hypocritical nutritional lessons? Overall, this is just not what comes to mind when I think “monster.” I don’t even know what this is.
Honorable Mention:
– Deluxe Unicorn: Coming Soon! No description needed.
– Couples Caveman Outfit: You’re not fooling anyone with the placement of that club sir…
What I’ll be wearing this Saturday is still up in the air. Will it be MC Hamster or Breast Cancer Awareness Pink Leopard? You’ll have to wait and see…