An account of self-reflection from my study-abroad experience in the UK.
From September 2023 to April 2024, I am a student in the Kenyon-Exeter program. I spend my days as a study-abroad student reading and writing more than I ever have before, but I also find myself questioning my role as an individual within a different culture and space.
The Kenyon-Exeter Program spans across the fall and spring semesters, bringing English majors from Kenyon College all the way across the Atlantic Ocean to England. While in Exeter, Kenyon students take a seminar class with the professor traveling abroad with them, as well as courses with the University of Exeter. While most students choose to take English courses, some may choose to branch off into different fields such as history or film. Kenyon students have the opportunity to travel across the country with their cohort as well as persue individual travel at their leisure.
Before this study-abroad program, I felt secure in my identity as a student and writer, while practicing what was probably the worst work-life balance in history. In Exeter, UK, I am forced to reckon with the fact that there is a world outside of my work — that the three courses I am taking while in this program do not define the person I am.
If you are of the same mind as I am, this is quite the challenge. It means that I cannot bury my head in a book and wait until the world passes me over. I have to redefine the person I wish to be in an entirely different environment and take advantage of the new opportunities at my fingertips.
On my journey of self-rediscovery, I keep circling back to the following two questions:
- Who is the person I’ve become?
- What does this person look like in the space I’m inhabiting?
While I believe that discovery of the self is a continuous, lifelong process, I see merit in fleshing out one’s character in the moment. I realize that the person I’ve become is a little more introverted than I previously thought. I see myself stepping back from large group experiences. And this is okay…within reason.
I am aware of the fact that I would rather stay in than have an off-the-walls night out, but I also have to keep in mind that I cannot shrink too far into my shell. I can have a fun evening out with friends at the Exeter Quay, where we sip overpriced pale ales and have a laugh. I can take a trip to Bath outside of the Kenyon-Exeter program on one of my free weekends. These experiences are good and they push me out of my comfort zone.
For the past however many years, I have cared too much about my appearance, even if it didn’t seem to reflect in how I presented myself. This still rings true today, but it’s something I think is necessary to combat. The way in which I view my body is changing, slowly but surely, which means the way that I envision myself in the space I am currently inhabiting is, in turn, transforming as well.
I have noticed that I feel out of place wearing more “artsy” clothing on the campus of the University of Exeter than I do at Kenyon College. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is something to be mindful of when I am piecing together my outfits for the day. When I dress myself, I want to make sure that I am wearing what I want to wear, regardless of whether or not I blend in with my surroundings. Don’t get me wrong, there is some merit to being able to blend in, but I believe that style and personal expression is not something that must be altered. In fact, I think that altering one’s style for the sake of fitting in with a larger group is something that can actually damage one’s sense of identity and self-esteem. This is why I am mindful of how I will feel when I wear the clothing I wish to wear, yet I still make the choice to dress as me.
Although I haven’t quite adjusted to paper towels being called “kitchen roll,” I believe that this experience is shaping me into the person I wish to be — into a version of myself who is more capable of self-care and is beginning to get their life together in a way that brings out joy.
I urge you to think about the two questions posed above and apply them to your life, to ask “How can we better assess the people we are at the moment?” I believe inquiring about how space affects our sense of self is a wonderful starting point.