Travelling home when the sun sets as a person who is assigned female at birth is just… very frustrating. You’re cautious with every step, calculative even. You could be in the safest public transportation, but it’ll never actually be “safe”. Trying times indeed.
I travel by metro in our city, which makes me feel like I’m finally assimilating into the community belonging to the “working capital” of our society, though I’m still a student who is very much a liability. Usually, I’m accompanied by friends who get down at a station or two before mine.
Surrounded by their idle chatter or gossip about friends, school work or hobbies. A sense of comfort within me.
I travelled alone in the metro a few days ago. Nobody would accompany me on the ride back home. It was way past sunset, 7 p.m. My city, Bangalore, was a beautiful sight to look at after the sun had hidden beneath the horizon. LED lights lit up the alleys, huge businesses lit up the main commercial roads, and restaurants got busy as time passed. I would’ve been drunk on the ambience any other day, but not at this moment.
I was on high alert. Is someone walking behind me? Do I have my phone in my pocket? Is my ID still hanging on my neck? I have to power walk. Do I look scared? I don’t want anybody to think that I’m vulnerable. The speed of cars at this hour are horrendous! I need to be more careful while crossing the road. Has that man been staring at me for 2 whole minutes?
Nothing to drown out the plaguing thoughts. I called my mother and told her that I’d be home in an hour. I made her talk to me for the whole 5-7 minute walk to the metro station. I gave her an excuse that I was just bored and I had no one to talk to. Speaking to her made me feel a bit stable and level-headed. Any sort of conversation with someone helps me drown out the unnecessary thoughts that simply make me paranoid.
I ended the call when I reached the station and the thoughts were back again, but this time around, they were not as intense. Still, annoying as ever. Then, I remembered something. I had headphones in my bag all this while! I had put it in my bag knowing that I’d be coming home alone, but had completely forgotten about it due to the rush I was in.
I pulled the headphones out of my bag haphazardly and switched it on. Now what?
I do want to listen to music but… I’m very picky with the music I listen to at certain places. I will not listen to the music I like in the car, I will not listen to sad songs when I am completely broken and sobbing, I will not listen to rhythm blues and jazz while I’m working on something that needs my undivided attention (too groovy!), and the list goes ON.
I definitely CANNOT listen to the music I like on the train, I cannot belt out the lyrics to my heart’s desire! Not Lo-fi music because I absolutely despise that genre. Original Soundtracks which I like?… No I always comment about each track outwardly, I don’t want anybody to think I’m a weirdo.
As I was having an internal breakdown scrolling through my Spotify, I noticed a playlist I saved a few days ago. It had caught my eye as I had not listened to any of the songs on there before. All brand new. Well, it’s a good time to try something new, right? 1 hour of no interruptions except Spotify ads.
And there it was. Japanese City Pop. A genre I very much wanted to get into but never really could. A genre I fell in love with in just an hour’s worth of listening and still 2 hours worth of songs remaining.
City Pop was such a fitting genre for the place that I was in. Out the window, I see the city that I love. Travelling in the metro, looking at the skyline being lit up with yellow hues. Little lights speeding past on roads with lamposts. Dots of shops on the streets. Inside the metro car were fathers talking to their children on the phone after a long day of work and an intern who was excitedly talking about his permanent position. Women who were getting calls from their partners, students resting on their seats after a long day of studying. The City Pop in my ears, meshing all the events happening around me to build a small sense of harmony in my head.
Bangalore is no Tokyo. Especially in terms of pedestrian traffic or commercial areas. But, I get to define this Japanese City Pop for my own city; of this small, pleasant city for myself. The synth and beats with beautiful harmonies of Hikaru Utada, Kumi Koda, KIRINJI and several others, don’t only belong to Tokyo, but also to my city. The chaos of the end of the day harmonises itself with these songs, and I sit in peace, finally enjoying myself while travelling alone.