I saw her, and I thought she was cute. I was a sophomore and I’d thought that about a few girls before. People were drinking and having a good time with friends. A few of us girls sat on each other’s laps, seeing how many girls we could fit in one chair. I was on the bottom, ignoring the laughter around me. I was thinking about Ashley*, the college freshman girl on my lap. I knew I wanted something different this time, something I’d never really thought about seriously before. I liked having my arms around her waist and her body pressed on mine. “Have you ever done anything with a girl before?” I whispered in her ear. She shook her head and giggled. “Do you want to?” I said, nuzzling her ear with my nose. Ashley looked back at me and whispered in my ear, “Yes.”
I’m what you would call a two on the Kinsey scale: “Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual.” For those of you who haven’t heard of this scale, here’s a summary. People often don’t fit into strictly three categories of sexuality. In 1948, Alfred Kinsey developed a scale with seven categories to better fit a broader range of sexual interests.
Basically, I have a boyfriend and I’ve mostly had sex with men, but I find women attractive. Breasts and soft, curvy bodies appeal to me, as well as beards and hairy chests on guys. But I didn’t just wake up one day and think, “Hmm. I think I may like women too.” For me, it took my experience with Ashley to help me accept my sexuality. I didn’t think I would like women, because why would I? Which leads into the question: Why do we think in this black and white way?
U.S. society depends upon binaries. Rich, poor. Person of color, white. Gay, straight. Woman, man. We separate and generalize people into groups. The act of dichotomous thinking generalizes opposites and doesn’t leave room for other options. But most of the time, people in real life are complex. People don’t fit into binaries easily because we are the sum of our experiences, which all vary person to person. And for so many young adults, the whole idea of their sexuality can seem a taboo topic to even think about. In college, people tell us to challenge our previously held beliefs. But sexuality seems like something we should already know, right? Well, maybe and maybe not. For me, I discovered it through an experience. Some people just know. Others struggle more.
Don’t be afraid to think outside of the binaries our society expects us to fall into. You are not a box to be checked. You are a person.
*Name has been changed