A playlist for when you need a reminder that it’s okay to be sad, but it will pass.
If you’re reading this, you most likely have gone through a recent breakup, so first I want to say: I’m proud of you. Breakups are never fun, but they almost always happen for a good reason. Whether it was a toxic situationship or a loving relationship, whether it was a few months or a few years, whether it was amicable or messy, whether you did the breaking up or were the one who got broken up with, grief is normal. It also comes in waves. If you are tired of the grief and need some encouraging breakup songs, here are the ones helping me through mine.
Pink Light by Muna
“So I let it happen again
I loved someone who’s indifferent
That’s why I can’t sleep at night
That’s why I keep sleeping in
So I started over again
I got back onto that medicine
That’s why I keep sleeping in
I don’t like when dreaming ends
But there’s a pink light in my apartment
It comes mid-morning as a reminder
That at the right time, in the right surroundings
I will be lovely…”
This song is just the right blend of hopeful and poignant. We have all felt disappointed when another relationship doesn’t work out the way we had hoped, but it only brings you closer to something meant for you. MUNA’s uplifting instrumentals and raw lyrics will put you in a trance that will make you feel like better things are on the way.
Haircut by Ryan Beatty
“Wake me up when the days are over
Reminiscing of a life I had
I smile on and feel the closure
I finally feel like me again
Sacrifice, the sweet attention
You have to give before you get
Another lie, another lie
I’ll get it right
It starts right now”
I stumbled across this song on accident, but I immediately felt encouraged by the lyrics and the easy-going pace of the song. It’s hard to feel sad listening to such a vibey song. Even if you don’t “feel like you” again or feel you have “the closure,” Beatty refers to in this song, the declaration of the chorus (“It starts right now”) helps you feel like you are capable of picking yourself up and looking ahead. Sometimes you just have to wake up and decide to move on and when you fail at that, to keep trying again.
That’s Our Lamp by Mitski
“We fought again
I ran out the apartment
You say you love me
I believe you do
But I walk down and up and down
And up and down this street
‘Cause you just don’t like me
Not like you used to
That’s our lamp
It shines like a big moon
We may be ending
I’m standing in the dark
Looking up into our room
Where you’ll be waiting for me
Thinking that’s where you loved me
That’s where you loved me”
My favorite way to listen to this song is on a brisk walk on a sunny day, but even on my darkest days, this song brings me guaranteed comfort. Mitski is known for having plenty of heart-wrenching breakup songs to cry in the shower to, but this is one of the rare pick me ups in her discography. I don’t believe it should be a competition of which breakups hurt the most, but it can be uniquely difficult to navigate the grief of a breakup in which both people agreed it just wasn’t right. Whether you just grew apart, your life paths diverged in two very different directions, or you just couldn’t get on the same page, it is worth appreciating and honoring the relationship for what it was while also being able to leave it in the past. That love will always exist somewhere in a room but neither of you have a reason to go into that room anymore, and this song is so fun, bright, and carefree that it makes you feel like you’re perfectly okay with that even if just for a moment.
Don’t Forget me by Maggie Rogers
“So close the door and change the channel
Give me something I can handle
A good lover or someone who’s nice to me
Take my money, wreck my Sundays
Love me ’til your next somebody
Oh, and promise me that when it’s time to leave
Don’t forget me
Don’t forget me
And maybe I’m dead wrong
Maybe I was bitter from the winter all along
Maybe there’s a stranger standing, holding out
For love, just waiting on the next street
Just for me”
Sometimes being lonely feels worse than being in a relationship you know isn’t right for you, but Maggie Rogers sings about a classic lesson in love which is that it’s better to have loved and to have lost than to never have loved at all. Some people come into our lives just to teach us that we want and deserve something better. We don’t have to hate that person (unless they deserve it), and we especially don’t need to hate our past selves for dating that person. If anything, we should take what will serve us in the future and leave what wasn’t meant for us. If you’re not sure what that is, take some time alone, talk to friends, or even a therapist if you can, to help you figure that out. Too many people have chosen to dive into relationships before they’ve learned how to be happy on their own. Once you let go of what’s not meant for you then you can leave yourself open to the possibility that there’s a stranger right around the corner who will show you why it never could’ve worked out with someone else.
Violet for Roses by Lana Del Rey
“Ever since I fell out of love with you, I fell back in love with me
And boy, does it feel sweet, like a summer breeze
Ever since I fell out of love with you, I fell back in love with the city
Like the Paramount sign sparkling, sparkling just for me
You made me trade my violets for roses
You tried to trade in my new truck for horses
Don’t forget all of these things that you love are the same things I hate
A simple life, I chose this
You made me trade my violets for roses
You tried to take all the pink off my toes
And God knows the only mistake that a man can make
Is tryna make a woman change and trade her violets for roses”
Lana Del Rey reminds us the importance of not losing yourself in someone else. Anyone who makes you choose between being yourself and being with them is not the person for you. Forgive yourself for the times you’ve made yourself smaller because you believed it would make you easier to love. Listen to this song and feel empowered by your own strength and resilience throughout a universally terrible experience. Self-love is the type of love you can and should rely on.
Honorable Mentions:
For when the Sunday scaries and intrusive late night thoughts start:
If It Wasn’t For the Nights by ABBA
For when you want to dance around in your room and forget about being sad:
Dancing On My Own by Robyn
For when you’re going through the angry stage of grief and you’re sick of it:
Too Well by Renee Rapp
For when you’re about to go out on the town with your besties:
After Midnight by Chappell Roan
When you’ve accepted the breakup and genuinely wish them all the happiness in life but hope you’re not around to see it:
I Wish You Love by Laufey
There is an endless list of songs I turn to for every situation and mood and in no way is this comprehensive, but these are the songs I’ve listened to most while I’ve grieved my own relationship. Everyone processes grief differently, but no matter how you feel now, allow yourself to feel your feelings deeply and fully. Don’t rush it. Let music help remind you that not only are you not alone but that the world didn’t end when your relationship with them did.