Content warning: this article discusses struggles with mental health and sexual violence
Freshman year is hard. College-level schoolwork, trying to learn study habits, finding friends, homesickness, and remembering to do basic self-care tasks all merge to make the most difficult year of most people’s life. Combine that with any other personal issues you may be facing (such as family emergencies, sexual violence, financial struggles), and you’ll be thinking you can’t do it. Trust me, I’ve been there. I had my own struggles with sexual violence my freshman year, so when I wasn’t in a meeting with one of the many offices on campus, I was stuck in my dorm room. Despite this, I still managed to make some great memories, but I also learned a lot of lessons. However, I wish I could go back and change how I did some things. This is everything I’d do differently.
Imposter syndrome is real
I was an aerospace engineering major my freshman year. When I would tell people that, they would always react the same way: “Oh my God, you must be so smart!” I let that get to my head a lot. Once I got to college, I quickly realized something: everyone else was just as smart, if not smarter, than I was. This was one of the first big struggles I had freshman year. I knew that imposter syndrome was a thing, but I never thought it was as debilitating as it actually is. There would be times I’d sit outside my classrooms because I was so scared to go inside. Or I’d leave my classrooms and cry because I had no idea what was going on. Imposter syndrome is real. However, I’ll let you in on a little secret: everyone is full of crap. Maybe one or two people in your entire lecture hall know what’s going on. Other than that? Everyone is faking it. You just have to fake it, too. And the more you fake it, the more confidence you’ll gain.
Your Roommate might be your worst enemy – And That’s Okay
Picture this: it’s move in day. You’ve never met your roommate before, but you can’t wait to get to know her. You think she’ll be your best friend, and that you’ll be inseparable all year. You walk in, and she seems nice! Both of you are unpacking your stuff, organizing your space how you want it, and she starts taking decorations out of your hands and putting them on her side of the room. Decorations that you bought for your side of the room. And that’s just the beginning. A couple weeks later, you walk into your room to find her new boyfriend playing his video games on his computer. AT YOUR DESK. Later, you might have to move out because housing thinks you may be in danger after your assaulter breaks into your dorm room. You move out for a few months, recoup, only to come back to find your roommate and her boyfriend have completely taken over your side of the room. Like, bed slept in, things reorganized, decorations removed and hers put up. Yeah, it’s not fun. Freshman year roommates are hard. Some of them have never had to share with anyone a single day in their life. You might hate her. And that’s okay! You don’t have to be best friends with your roommate. You have your own classes, your own extracurriculars, and your own social life. Eventually, you might get to a point where you don’t ever see each other, even though you sleep in the same room. It’ll be okay.
Let Yourself Be Lonely
At some point your freshman year, you’re going to walk into the dining hall after class and realize you know no one there. You’re going to want to walk out and skip lunch for the day. Don’t. Grab your dining hall food and sit down at a table by yourself. I know it’s scary. But college is scary! Being an adult is scary! But guess what? No one cares if you sit at a table by yourself. Sure, you might feel like everyone has a huge table of friends surrounding them, but if you look closer, you’ll realize that there are a lot more people sitting alone than you thought. If you’re really worried about it, put in some earbuds, eat your lunch, and get some homework done for your classes. That way, you can at least get some studying in while you eat.
Get INvolved On Campus
Sign up for things and actually go to them. Don’t be one of those freshmen that signs up for literally every club on campus and never shows up to any of them. If that happens, that’s totally fine, and there is nothing wrong with that. But if you want to meet new people and make memories, I urge you to get involved. It can be with anything! You can join Greek Life, a ministry team on campus, a book club, an identity-related club, or literally anything. On my campus, we even have a beekeeping club. There is somewhere for everyone, and having a scheduled event is so helpful when you are trying to learn how to be an adult. Having places where people expect you can be hard some days, but you quickly learn that you signed up for this because you wanted to! You didn’t sign up for this stuff for nothing. And who knows? You might meet some of your best friends.
There Are Resources On Campus – Use Them
So many of the campus resources are IMPOSSIBLE to find unless you scour the website. However, I encourage you to do that. I didn’t find out about Student Support Services, the KU CARE Coordinator, The Office of Civil Rights and Title IX, and other student services until much later than I should have. There’s free tutoring. Therapy is cheap. Your professors have office hours that they want you to attend. All of these services are here to help YOU. You, not them. People are paid to help you fix your problems, whether they be financial, academic, or personal. Use every single service you have. When it comes time to graduate, you’ll have made strong connections to so many people on your college campus, which can be incredibly helpful. So please, use the services that your tuition bills are paying for. They’re so worth it.
Talk To Your Parents
Call your mom and your dad. They want to talk to you. Now, of course, there are some exceptions to this, and you should ultimately do what is best for you. But most parents want to hear what’s going on in your life. They’re struggling with this change, too, and they want to know what their kid is up to. One of my biggest regrets from my freshman year is not talking to my parents more. Sure, I called my mom almost every day, but I didn’t actually talk about anything of substance. I mainly talked about classes or my roommate. I didn’t once mention the sexual violence I was facing every day. I didn’t mention the therapy or the civil rights case. We only talked about filler. So please, talk to your parents, and tell them the important stuff. I know it’s scary, but like I mentioned earlier, BEING AN ADULT IS SCARY! But you have to do what you have to do.
Go Outside
I know, telling a bunch of college kids to touch grass from the other side of a computer may seem counterintuitive. But seriously, TikTok is right. The sun truly is your best friend. There will be days that I rot in bed all day, feel like junk, and wonder why. When I inevitably order take-out, my few minutes outside improve my mood drastically. Suddenly, I have the energy to take a shower and brush my teeth. Now, will I probably crawl right back into bed? Yes. But at least I’m clean and showered. And that’s just on my worst days. If it’s particularly nice outside, I love to walk to class instead of taking the bus. Getting fifteen minutes of sun can make a HUGE impact on your mood, and it can change your entire day. So seriously, get some sun.
Show Up To Class
Listen. There will be days when you feel so exhausted that getting out of bed seems like too big a task. But do it. Set your alarm clock on the other side of the room to force yourself to get up. On those days, getting ready in the morning is going to be HARD. I typically shower every morning because if I don’t, I feel horrible for the rest of the day. But on days like that, it doesn’t matter. I’m going to feel horrible anyway. So I get up, put my hair in a ponytail, grab a piece of gum, and go. If my pajamas are particularly embarrassing, I change into different pajamas. I’m not even joking. On days like this, living is hard. But going to class is so, so important. Don’t even pay attention. You can sit on your phone the whole time, for all I care. But going to class regularly makes SUCH an impact on your habits, even if you don’t realize it. So go to class.
Again, college is hard. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. But the lessons I’ve learned so far have been invaluable: Go to class. Go outside. Make friends. Bad things will happen to you. Things that could make your average person crumple to the ground and sob for you. But it’ll be okay. It has to be. There’s one last lesson I want to teach you: At the end of the day, you only have yourself. You might have the best friend group in the world, and the best family in the world, but there will be days when you can’t talk to them. You only have yourself. And on those days, you can’t lay in bed waiting for a call from your mom or a text from your friends begging you to go out with them. That call or that text isn’t coming. You have to get up. You have to save yourself. No one else can save you. It’s scary. I know. I’m still scared. I struggle with going to class. I struggle with asking for help. But I’m learning more about myself every single day, and slowly but surely, I’m becoming my own superhero.