As millennials, we are living in the age of twerking, selfies and social media, whether or not we, or our parents, like it. Tabloids are filled with headlines like “Miley Cyrus Bears All” and “Worst Red Carpet Fashion.” Women are born into a society where we face constant scrutiny, whether by the media, the older generation or each other.
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The problem is that we are trained to see other women as competition. We are told by society that they are obstacles in the way of our ultimate goal: men.Â
As young women, men seem to dictate everything we do. Men think that we do everything for them and even other women hold this belief. Women are supposed to dress a certain way, hold themselves a certain way, drink, eat and talk a certain way for men. But it’s time that we take a step back and realize that we, as women, don’t need to and should not live for the satisfaction of the opposite sex. That’s the only way we’ll stop seeing each other as the enemy.
The media does a great job pitting us against each other without us even realizing it. When all we read about are how much weight Kim Kardashian has gained or how much skin Miley Cyrus is showing, we are internalizing that girl-on-girl hate that we’ve been taught since birth. We constantly hear “how does she ever expect a guy to respect her when she’s dressed like that?” or my personal favorite, “skinny jeans should only be for skinny girls.” This kind of gossip among women has to stop. The only way that women can continue to progress is if we stick together. We already hear so much crap from the media every day, that we don’t need to hear it from each other, too. There are few ways you can help:
1. Stop policing what other women wear
It’s a Friday night, and you’re out with your friends, waiting in line at the Hawk. You look down the line and see a girl in a short skirt, crop top and high heels. “It’s the middle of winter,” you think to yourself. “Does she have any respect for herself??”
Stop. Don’t think this way. As women, it is not our job to tell other women what they can and cannot feel comfortable in. Maybe you want to wear jeans and a coat out, but don’t judge another girl for not doing the same, and don’t assume that she doesn’t respect herself. You don’t know anything about a woman from what she wears besides that: what she’s wearing. Don’t make assumptions about her based on the way she chooses or doesn’t choose to express her femininity. That’s unfair and completely unnecessary.
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2. Stop body-shaming
This kind of goes hand-in-hand with number one, but it still needs to be said: Do not tell women what they can and cannot wear based on their bodies. Are you 5’6″, 200 lbs. and want to wear skinny jeans? Do it. Are you 6’5″, 130 lbs. and want to wear vertical stripes? Go for it. Do you hate shaving your legs or your armpits? Stop shaving.Â
We, as women, spend so much time worrying about what other people think that we forget to take into consideration what we want to do. We worry that cute boys won’t like us unless we’re hairless, skinny, tall and beautiful. We worry that other women will judge us if we look like we’re “trying too hard” or even if we’re not trying hard enough. We forget that these are our bodies and we only get one of them, and they don’t belong to anyone else. We forget that stretch marks and scars and piercings and tattoos are just indicators of who we are and where we’ve been, and don’t have any bearing on who we are on the inside. As a woman, you must stop trying to dictate what other women wear or how they present themselves solely based on the way their bodies do or do not look. Stop spending so much time worrying about what other girls look like, and spend more time focusing on what you love about yourself and how you want to look. Dress for yourself, no one else. And let other girls start doing the same.
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3. Stop shaming sexual expression
One of the worst things that women do to each other is shame other women for the way their express their sexuality. Do you remember in “Mean Girls” when Tina Fey says “You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores”? Well, this isn’t exactly true, because it doesn’t make it okay for guys to say it, but it does make guys THINK it’s okay, and that’s a problem.Â
Somewhere along the way, we’ve all forgotten that women are sexual beings, while somehow simultaneously sexualizing the crap out of them. You can’t avoid seeing hyper sexualized women in ads for anything and everything, from sandwiches to cologne to handbags.Â
So why do we still shame each other for having sex or not? Why do guys receive praise for the amount of sex they have, but women get chastised? If we want to change that, we have to stop doing it to other women. It doesn’t matter if you’re a virgin until you’re married, or you’ve had sex every day for the past month; as long as it’s safe and consensual, who cares? We have to stop letting our personal views on sex and sexuality affect the way we see others.Â
(Photo credit: Laci Green)
As women, we face a lot of oppression every day, maybe without even realizing it. If we want to be equal to men, we have to figure out a way to be equal with each other. We need solidarity. The media has told us for years that certain women are better than others because of what they wear, or how they carry themselves and that is wrong. We have to move past that and realize that we need each other if we’re going to get anywhere. We can’t keep fighting with each other. Women are not the enemy, because a man is not the ultimate prize. We are the prizes and it’s time that we all understand that.