Do you find yourself exhibiting these symptoms? Unable to remember what shirt you wore yesterday, silently using ‘Eeny Meeny Miney Moe’ to help friends choose between outfits or pretending to understand what “velour” means in social situations?
If you answered “yes” to any of the above, congratulations! You, like me, are clueless about clothing. But fear not, my friends– after years of suffering from fashion’s equivalent to tone-deafness, I’ve created this list of tips that will help you embrace your unseasoned style this fall.
1. Keep it simple. Shopping is hard, so make like your favorite animated TV character and wear the same familiar combination every single day. Your classmates, especially in huge lectures, won’t notice. This plan is foolproof unless you have a stalker or don’t know how to do laundry.
Animators are lazy and so am I.
2. Keep it classic. In all of recorded history, only one shoe has managed to complete the aesthetics of both 1950s basketball players in short-shorts AND well-coifed Tumblr girls in patterned leggings. What shoe, you say? Converse: a timeless classic. They wore ‘em in the 1900s and they’ll be wearing ‘em in the 3000s. Buy five pairs and never shoe shop again.
Wilt Chamberlain wore Converse, and he’s a KU legend. This is not coincidence.
3. Keep it matching. Rules for matching: black goes with everything. So does plaid, flannel, paisley, polkadot, leather and denim.
Even white-on-white is okay. Not after Labor Day, though. We’re not animals.
4. Remember: nobody cares. In an age where Lady Gaga can straight-up wear a hamburger dress and Hannah Montana is two steps away from a public nudity lawsuit, even the most surprising ensembles can slip by without much commotion. These days, everyone just attributes weird clothing choices to forward-thinking originality.
A Google search for current high fashion tells me sky diving is “in.”
These tips will help you survive the fall and remember, no matter what you wear, wear it with swagger — whether it be a plastic bag, a Louis V or an enormous toolbox.
I mean, come on.
Photocredit:
Doug: awry.mag
Wilt: complex.com
Cara: Burberry
KTZ fashion: Vogue