Hollywood is known for its portrayal of toxic relationships, and Gilmore Girls didn’t get the short end of that stick. During the show’s seven-season run, Rory has her share of toxic boyfriends. Dean just happens to be the worst one.
Dean Forester was the definition of the overbearing, toxic boyfriend. He was extremely jealous and aggressive, yet his character was always portrayed in a good light. I felt like the show pretty much summed up Dean’s inexcusable actions to boys will be boys.
Let’s look at some of Dean’s worst moments.
The fight at Rory’s Dance
At the start of Rory and Dean’s relationship, Rory invites Dean to her school dance at Chilton. They go together and all seems fine until Tristan, who had a crush on Rory, sees the couple together. Tristan and Dean have a little quarrel and then Tristan asks to take it outside (aka to fight). Dean refuses and then responds that “he would kill him.”
I feel like I don’t have to explain why this is problematic. This reaction is completely unnecessary and if I was with Dean, I would dump him in a second, no matter if they didn’t mean it. I’m no psychologist, but I feel like this reaction can hint toward some type of anger issue or emotion management problem.
WHEN RORY CAN’T SAY I LOVE YOU BACK
This scene was an extremely difficult one to watch. Let me set the scene: I believe it was Dean and Rory’s anniversary and Dean takes Rory to see his gift for her, which is a car he’s rebuilding for her. I feel like this gift was strange and later could be used to guilt Rory into staying with him, but that is another point. At this point, Dean confesses his love for Rory, and Rory freezes.
While I know it’s not easy to get rejected, he takes his reaction too far and downright disrespects Rory. Rory tries explaining herself, but he refuses to listen.
DEAN WAS SEXIST
The whole point of Rory’s character was that she was a strong independent woman who excelled academically and wanted a successful career. Dean, on the other hand, wanted none of that. In one episode he explains that he thinks a woman should cook for their man, which leads to an argument (of course).
Rory in response dresses like a 1950s housewife and cooks a meal for Dean, which is completely against what she believes to make Dean happy.
JESS IS AT RORY’S WITHOUT DEan’s knowledge
Rory one night decides to have a study night because it was one of the rare occasions where she gets the house to herself. In Gilmore Girls fashion, everything goes south. Paris unexpectedly comes over and Jess shows up with food. They end up having a good time together until Dean shows up uninvited. He gets mad at Rory and demands to know why Jess is there. To avoid Dean’s wrath, she lies even though she did nothing wrong.
When I was rewatching the episode during winter break this scene made me cry. Even though it’s just a show, seeing someone so scared of their partner even when they did nothing wrong hurts my heart, especially with Rory being so young.
The Affair
Most of the events I’ve mentioned were from when Rory and Dean dated in high school, but later in life, they rekindled their romance and had an affair when Dean was married to Lindsay. Rory was partially at fault in this situation because she was a home wrecker, but I think Dean still takes advantage of Rory. Also, this is the scene where Rory loses her virginity, and that doesn’t sit right with me
These scenes are problematic when you consider how young some of these girls watching Gilmore Girls are. I remember being 13 and watching the show, wishing I could have a boyfriend like Dean. I thought all his red flags, like his problem with jealousy, were just the way he showed his love to Rory. Looking back now I am appalled by his character and wish I could tell my younger self to stay away from men like that.