The idea of loneliness is that nothing else occupies us while being in a state of perceived isolation. I remember in my childhood, that this lonely feeling was one that I despised. I did everything I could to escape it, until ultimately I found peace in it. A serene displeasure. To this day, it comes and goes, however, the feeling of loneliness never leaves me feeling alone.
Is being alone even probable?
This familiarity between my body and this emotion that seemingly exists without my recognition kind of provides, and it may sound silly to say but, a sense of consistency. I can always rely on it, this entity, to be present. I find myself feeling lonely even in the presence of others. To feel lonely is to not actually be alone. Lonely is a feeling of longing. Longing for something I wish I had. Longing to feel as I once did in a certain moment. Longing to feel myself again. This year, my first year away from home and from my twin sister, has me feeling lonelier than ever. To be comfortable with that feeling makes it simple to continue life in a tranquil state. Why change this feeling when it’s been so prominent in my character development? Why try to get rid of this feeling that has done nothing but provide serenity and relativity in my years of living?
The picture we have of loneliness is negative. Society despises it. Who wants to feel casted out? Who wants to feel like they don’t belong? A question many people ask themselves daily. Once we feel “lonely,” we do everything in our power to erase it. To me, loneliness is powerful. It is captivating. Not in a “Bella Swan stare out the window for three months” type of way, but out of a complete view of curiosity. It has the power to alter so many things. How does this feeling exist? Why does this feeling exist? What can I do to stop it? It changes us. It pushes us. It creates or destroys the person we are. The feeling of loneliness is never lonely because it always occupies us. It is human nature. It’s funny how one emotion can completely contradict what it’s meant to emit.
In a way, society kind of has its mind wrapped around this idea of prolonged loneliness. In a roundabout way, it can be therapeutic.
“It’s time to recharge” or “I’m not a people Person”
Those sayings are so well known and used and completely valid reasons for one to desire to be alone. But, it does not compare to the unwanted feeling of loneliness that tends to creep its way back into our lives. Some choose to be alone but no one chooses to feel like it.
I find myself treasuring these moments of loneliness that happen instantaneously. I ponder in that moment. How can I hate this feeling but long for it altogether? We make sure no else feels alone, but we hesitate when experiencing this emotion for ourselves. I can’t tell if I want to envelop the moment or cast it away completely. I sometimes wish for it when I feel something foreign. I’m in a big group and I feel strange, but I know that I can leave at any moment and hear the feeling of loneliness slowly wrap its comforting arms to carry me through the day. It’s bizarre, yet it’s all I know and I love it.
I hope that we as humans can realize creating a relationship with our emotions is not bad. It gives us somewhat a sense of control. We can activate it when we want. It’s harder to get rid of it, but it helps us see the power dynamic between humans and our sentiments. To end my rant completely, I’m going to leave you guys with a quote that summarizes my point well. I hope you find joy in realizing that no one is ever truly alone because even the feeling of loneliness longs to be with someone.
“Loneliness is an opportunity to cut adrift and find yourself. In solitude you are least alone.”
– Bruce Lee
