Happy Haunts! With October now in full swing, I’ve taken some time to reflect on what makes spooky season actually spooky. Throughout this month the recurring theme of almost all Halloween-centered media is death. It is a scary topic, therefore fitting the season we’re now in. So, have you ever wondered what serial killer aligns with your zodiac sign? I mean, I sure have, and as a Sagittarian there are honestly a lot more of these monsters than I expected. Now, not to be confused with the Zodiac Killer himself (who was actually just recently identified), let’s talk about the astrological zodiac killers.
- Aquarius
- Starting off strong, we have our first zodiac sign of the year, as well as our first serial killer. Aquarians, your most infamous counterpart is Robert Hansen, more famously known as “The Butcher Baker.” His victim count sits somewhere around 17 women, which he would force to play his games. These games included being released into the woods in Alaska, and being hunted down by Hansen who was armed with a gun as well as a hunting knife.
- Pisces
- Alright Pisces people, your zodiac time frame is completely loaded with infamous murderers and murderesses. Let me list off a few of the better known members of your zodiac: John Wayne Gacy, Aileen Wuornos, Richard Ramirez and Kansas’ own, Dennis Raider (The BTK Killer). Gacy targeted young boys, Wuornos went after truckers that would pick her up as she was “hitch hiking,” Ramirez hurt practically anyone he could get his hands on, and all us native Kansans know about Raider. So Pisceans, at least you guys show a little diversity? However, it’s terrifying all the same.
- Aries
- Aries, your serial killer is Keith Jesperson, more famously known as “The Happy Face Killer.” He was given this moniker due to smiley faces he would write on letters he sent to the police as well as the media. He ended up killing eight women across the U.S.. However, I couldn’t find very many other serial killers that align with your sign, so I’m taking that as good news and you should too.
- Taurus
- Taurus, I know that you love a classic, so I really hope you’ll enjoy your serial killer too. H. H. Holmes, better known for being America’s first serial killer, and the real-life counterpart to American Horror Story: Hotel’s character James Patrick March. Holmes owned a hotel which was notoriously referred to as his “Murder Castle,” and some claims say that he outfitted the hotel with features to trap guests which led to their untimely demise, but these claims were never validated.
- Gemini
- Two-faced friends, listen up, I’m bestowing Jeffrey Dahmer upon you, because Lord knows the rest of us don’t want him. Honestly, Dahmer is one of the only serial killers that freaks me out to no extent. I can’t decide if my queasiness stems from the necrophilia, cannibalism or surplus of dismembered body parts he had lying around his house, but any number of those things probably contribute.
- Cancer
- Cancers, let me present you with Sergei Dovzhenko, a Ukrainian serial killer that murdered 19 people, or at least confessed to that many. Turns out he was a former member of a Ukrainian police unit, which he used to his advantage. He would actually put on his police uniform to intimidate and manipulate people into trusting him or letting him inside their homes. This only makes my trust issues with men deepen, so I will be avoiding all members of the male species for the rest of the month.
- Leo
- John Haigh is one of the most infamous Leo serial killers. You might not know a lot about Haigh because he’s not American, so I’ll clue you in. Haigh ended up murdering six people, and was respectively named the “Acid Bath Murderer” due to his method of killing. Every Leo I’ve ever known has been bold, but this man took it to another level. He would actually move into his victims’ houses and sell their items for profit. The audacity this guy had was actually insane.
- Virgo
- Ed Gein is your serial killer, Virgos. He may have not had as many victims as some of the aforementioned murderers, but it doesn’t make what he did any less disturbing. Not only did he kill two women, but he would actually rob graves to collect body parts. What would he do with these body parts? He would repurpose them into face masks and furniture. Maybe he predicted COVID? Okay, that was an awful joke, and I know Virgos love organization and control but I promise you don’t need an armchair upholstered in human skin.
- Libra
- Bobby Joe Long falls under your star sign, Libras. He was an American serial killer and rapist that prowled Florida in the 1980s. I honestly don’t know a lot about Long, and I watch an unhealthy amount of serial killer documentaries so it’s a little surprising to me. I should count myself lucky, since I live with a Libra and I no longer fear going to sleep with my roommate in the house anymore. I also thoroughly enjoy Libras, so good for you guys.
- Scorpio
- Two words: Charles Manson. This is another person that gives me the creeps no matter what. Most famously known as the leader of the Manson family cult and the perpetrator behind the murder of Sharon Tate, Charles Manson had a chokehold on people around him. He was extremely conniving, charismatic and intelligent, which made him somewhat of a triple threat.
- Sagittarius
- Sagittarians, it is our time. I take pride in being a Sagittarius, except for when I tell you our serial killer is Ted Bundy. Bundy, much like Manson, was extremely charming and charismatic, which he used to entice women into trusting him and falling for his traps. He also managed to escape custody multiple times, which makes absolutely no sense to me but it was a different time. However, I want to be notorious for something someday, but I won’t be the original Sagittarius to do it.
- Capricorn
- Ending our count of monsters and murderers, last up on the list is Harold Shipman for you Capricorns. Shipman was a doctor from the United Kingdom who actually ended up murdering his own patients. If you were scared of the doctor’s office before this, definitely do not do your own research on this guy.
Don’t be afraid to go watch some documentaries on these serial killers I’ve mentioned! Most streaming services have a ton of educational movies and series about these people and others just as bad. Maybe sometime soon I’ll write about those I’d recommend. They’re actually pretty interesting, just showing how messed up people can be to do the things they end up doing in their lives.
Well, that ends my recap of the Zodiac Killers, and hopefully you’ve realized something about yourself due to your sign and its corresponding murderer. You could also do a deep dive and evaluate how your rising and moon sign translate with these killers as well. For instance, I’m a Sagittarius sun, with a Scorpio rising and Pisces moon. Therefore, my corresponding serial killers would be Ted Bundy, Charles Manson and John Wayne Gacy. Do what you want with that information about me, and with the same information about yourself. For now, I’ll leave you to dwell on the atrocities these humans did to others, and remember your zodiac sign does not mean you’re destined to go crazy and kill a bunch of people.