Every woman hears it at some point.
At recess in elementary school:
“Hey, stop telling people how to play the game. You’re being so bossy.”
In math class in middle school:
“Stop dividing the problems up. God, you’re bossy.”
In high school:
“She only got first in the class because she was so bossy and only cared about herself.”
The other day, I had an experience like this. I was in bio lab; there were two men and two women, including me. The other woman and I kept dividing tasks up so we could finish the lab efficiently. About half way through, the other woman said, “Sorry I’m being so bossy about this. I hope you guys don’t think I’m like that all the time”
Bossy.
I thought to myself, “Shit. Am I being too bossy as well?”
Bossy.
What is bossy? What makes what I’m doing bossy? I’m just trying to be a leader and get this lab done so I can go home.
I am a leader. I always have been. I like taking charge and seeing my ideas come to life with the help of others. So then why do I always get leadership switched with bossy?
As a young girl, I was exposed to gender roles everywhere I looked. Women were not in leadership roles. When women took charge, they felt shameful and had to tell themselves to stop being so bossy.
This bothers me so much. I was born a leader, and I am proud of that, but I am always told that the leadership I possess is negative and annoying. So many women, like the woman in my lab, are leaders, as well, who need to embrace that. Sometimes it’s hard because so many people are telling us to sit back and do what women do.
But women are leaders.
That is what women do. We fight for ourselves in others. We march. We speak out. We stand up. And yet, this is perceived as bossy?
After this most recent experience, I have added something new to my goals for the year. I will never call myself bossy. I will never call another woman bossy. I will point out when other women are being leaders, and I will acknowledge their strength and power. I am so over women feeling bad about their leadership skills so, to hell with “bossy.”
We are the boss. We are powerful. We are leaders.