Dear Grandpop,
I assume that is what I should call you since we never got to establish that. You died four years before I was born; never getting to hold me, talk to me, or see me grow up. I did not understand death, no one close to me had ever died, and I did not learn more about you until I was in middle school. Those four years of middle school were hard for me, I did not understand how someone could just be gone from the world and that I would never have the chance to meet my grandfather. Mom put a picture of you in my room from when you served in the army, and I looked at your smile every night before bed. I cried when I accidentally cracked the frame for I did not want you to think I did not care. Â
I have heard so many stories about you; you were hot-headed and short-tempered but also a kind, giving man. You are the one I have to thank for my beautiful curly hair, and I hope you know that I have grown out of being hateful toward it; I have learned to love it because it came from you. I would like to think you helped me overcome that hatred.
I know living with grand mom and her mental health issues were not easy for you, I wish I could have lessened the burden you endured when you were still here. I know mom could use a hand right now with grand mom as she often talks about you and wants to see you again. I do not know if smoking was your way of handling these problems, but I wish you had found something else to do in your free time. Lung cancer took you from me, and I vow to never put a cigarette to my lips ever in my life.
I often think about you these days, when stress has taken over, and I could use a friend to go to and chat with. I like to think that we would have been close and that you would even watch over me as I write this letter. Everyone talks about receiving signs from their loved ones or feeling their presence, I want that feeling, I want to know you are here and you have been the one pushing me forward the entire time. For now, I love you, and I look forward to meeting you someday.
Love,
Victoria