The Monster in Me

I stared at the blood on my shaking hands. Cries echoed throughout the train as Rachel and Lucy wept. I had done what they were too afraid of doing. I had sacrificed part of my humanity to protect them. I would do it again despite the gaping hole left in my heart. Shutting off any emotions was the only way to hide from the reality of what I had just done. We would’ve died if I hadn’t reacted. This doesn’t make me a monster. I’m a hero. I played those words a million times in my head.

I stood up and walked towards the train’s doors to pry them open. Tears fell down my cheeks even though I tried to suppress them. The cool air of the night reminded me of my cold heart.

“What are you doing?!” Lucy said, finally stopping her cries. She held Rachel in her arms, trying hard to shield her from the scene that had played out. 

“We can’t keep the body with us. We don’t know how this virus spreads.” 

“How can you be so calm? He was our friend, Marie.” Lucy stood up holding onto the pole to keep herself steady. There was a fire behind her eyes as she looked into mine. I know all she saw at this moment was a monster, someone who had heartlessly killed their friend. 

“I told him to be careful! I warned him but he didn’t listen to me.” I had told Miguel to not help the old lady—she was a goner. There was nothing we could’ve done to save her. Miguel being the fool that he was wanted to play the hero. All he got as a thank you was coughed up blood on his face and a sealed fate. This wasn’t my fault.

“Marie, we weren’t sure if he was infected.” Lucy looked at Miguel’s body. The sores were a clear sign of the infection, but I know she wanted to believe that he was okay. We all wanted to believe it. 

Lucy’s pleas fell on deaf ears. Without a second thought, I placed my foot on the body and held onto the poles. I waited until I could see the train crossing the lake before discarding it. This needed to be done. As I braced myself I was suddenly hit with brute force. Black spots clouded my vision as my body fell against the seats, Rachel stood next to me holding the metal cane I had used on Miguel. Drips fell down my forehead before my head got too heavy to hold up. The last thing I heard before passing out was a faint husky voice calling out my name.

I sat next to him, resting my head on his shoulder as he tried to plan what our next move would be once the train reached its destination. With our phones dead, we had no way of knowing where it was safe to go. The people who had been alive in the lower end of the train had talked about just heading as far away from the west coast, but no exact location was guaranteed to be safe. 

After a while, we let the exhaustion take over. Hours later, I awoke to Miguel falling into a coughing fit. He was shivering and burning up from a high fever, crouched at the very end of the train. The dim light in the train showed the sores he had formed all over his face. 

“Miguel?” I carefully approached him, feeling the blood drain from my face. 

“I’m fine Marie, don’t come any closer.” His voice sounded raspy and as he looked at me, I could see the brightness of his blue eyes turn murky. I slowly reached for the discarded cane as I made my decision. Miguel gave me a sad smile before closing his eyes. We both knew how this was going to end. 

“Miguel, it’s me, get off!” 

The sharp ringing in my ear intensifies as I regain consciousness. It takes me a few seconds before my vision clears. When it does I see what used to be Miguel on top of Rachel. She struggles to keep it away from her face. Its eyes are clouded white, dried up blood covers its forehead and the corners of its mouth. The sores on its arm gush with its every movement. I try to calculate how many outcomes there can be. Rachel is too close to it but she doesn’t seem to have been bitten or come in direct contact with its blood. There is only the metal cane keeping it at a safe distance away from her. I need to draw it away from her. I have to protect her. 

Before I’m able to get on my feet, I see Lucy coming up behind it. She has nothing but her hands to protect herself yet there is determination in her eyes. It’s the same determination that had fueled me when I thought Miguel was as good as dead. As she pulled him off of Rachel, it switched its target and bit into her flesh. Lucy’s painful scream echoed through the train. Blood splattered all over the floor, the flesh of her arm dangling as it adjusted its bite. 

Before it could sink its teeth into Lucy, I shielded her. It bit into my shoulder blade, sending a blinding pain throughout my body. While it had all its attention on me, I dragged myself towards the train’s exit. It continued chewing on my flesh, unaware of my intentions.

Lucy fell to the floor watching as I sealed my fate. I looked at my friends and hoped they would make it through the rest of this trip. My vision continued to switch between vibrant colors to dull black and white. I could feel the change happening. Stepping even closer to the exit, I grabbed its hair before taking the final steps off, making certain that no monster was left on the train. 

• fiction
• horror
• short story