Ahh, it’s that time of year again! The holidays: a time when your parents can ask you a million questions that make you feel like your life has no meaning and their excuse is because they love you and care about you. In order to keep Thanksgiving warm and fuzzy this year, here is the perfect list of factual answers to those adorable parent questions that make everyone happy, and the truth that we really wish we could say.
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“I eat three square meals a day.”
(…and a pint of ice cream, a family size bag of Doritos, and a Domino’s pizza at 3 a.m.)
2. “Yes, of course, I missed you!”
(…and that’s why I haven’t called in three weeks because it would have hurt too much.)
3. “No, I don’t drink that much.”
(…I limit myself to one bottle of pink moscato a night)
4. “I sleep eight hours a night!
(…from the hours of 3 a.m. to 11 a.m.)
5. “I feel great!”
(…I’ve only had about 200 head colds at the most inconvenient times possible.)
6. “I’m really happy in college.”
(…I only have full emotional breakdowns once a month; normally I just cry during cute toilet paper commercials.)
7. “Yes, I have a few romantic suitors but I’m focusing on me right now.”
(…and they have all just conveniently not texted me back.)
8. “Oh I will definitely have a job after college.”
(…McDonald’s is always hiring, right?)
All gifs from giphy.com