“Why didn’t he tell her how much he loved her when he knew they liked each other?”
My American friend asked me this question and I was at a loss for a response when we watched a Japanese romantic movie the other day. It is true that American movies, including Titanic, all express love in a strong and easy-to-understand way. How many people must have been moved to tears by the many quotes that shook their hearts? On the other hand, Japanese romantic movies often express the feelings and thoughts of the main characters through descriptions of situations and music, leaving the viewers to imagine what they are feeling. Even the endings of love are sometimes not expressed in the movie but are left for the viewer to think about. This is very different from American films, in which the finale is the most exciting part of the film. Why does this create such a difference? Today, I would like to introduce a slightly different way of communication in Japan.
The way to communicate in Japan:
Japanese people try to understand the feelings of others not through words, but through the situation they are in and the facial expressions of the other person. One of the reasons for this tendency is related to geographical factors. As an island nation surrounded by the sea, Japan has developed its own culture without immigration. As a result, it composed its own language and race, and almost all of its people have the same background. As a result, they have “common sense” and often find it easy to understand each other’s values without verbalization. Furthermore, many people would rather be listeners than share their opinions, since hiding their own values and opinions is considered a virtue.
Why not use words?
Japanese people try to maintain a good atmosphere in places by using ambiguous expressions. We use vague expressions to find out what the other person is looking for until their intentions are clear. If I feel that I disagree with someone, I will tell them this in a roundabout way or move away, depending on the situation. I look for someone I am comfortable with without causing as much conflict as possible. Everyone’s top priority is to maintain group order rather than personal feelings.
I like Japanese communication.
It is because I am proud that I can communicate and coexist with others without hurting them even if they have different values from mine. On the other hand, since coming to the U.S. I have been very happy to receive many direct words of appreciation and liking, and I have learned the importance of expressing my feelings of gratitude and liking in words. I will never forget the respect I have for the other person. I hope that we can express our love and gratitude to our loved ones as much as possible in our short lives. What kind of communication is comfortable for you?