I grew up in a home that emphasized openness. My parents wanted to make sure that I could talk to them anytime, about anything, free of judgment. While I definitely think I benefited from being raised in that environment, sometimes my parents desire for being “open” has come at the cost of necessary boundaries. Throughout the years, I have been instructed to leave my bedroom door open, to allow my siblings to hang out in my bedroom, and to drop everything to help a family member.
When COVID-19 meant that I had to begin taking online classes and working from home, I soon realized that none of that would fly. I have lived at home for my entire college experience, so I am no stranger to asserting my priorities, but until a few months ago, the extent of it was telling my mom that no, I couldn’t fold the laundry because I was working on an essay. It was time to set real boundaries, and here’s how I did it:
Picking a private spot to work
One of the easiest ways to ensure that your family doesn’t get in the way of your work or school is to do it in a location where they’re less likely to disrupt you. It’s best to avoid common areas of your house, such as the kitchen or living/sitting/family room where people are likely coming in and out of all day, especially if you have siblings who are also working or studying from home as I do. Instead, set up a workspace in your bedroom, a sparsely-used office, or the basement.
Communication
If you let your parents know that you’re going to be on a Zoom meeting from 11 to 12:15, they will be a lot less likely to bother you. If your parents have difficulty remembering these things, write your schedule down for them and put it in a public place. In my family, we also have a system wherein anybody who is on a Zoom call closes the door of the room they’re in and puts a blue sticky note on the door. It’s a subtle reminder that yelling at your sister because she borrowed something of yours and didn’t return it can wait till later.
Sometimes, just yell “I’m busy”
Just because your parents understand not to ask you to help put away the groceries while you’re attending a Zoom lecture doesn’t mean that they won’t do that when you’re, say, finishing an essay that’s due tomorrow. In my years of being a college student living at home, I’ve had to explain to my mom that I can’t just drop everything to pick up my brother/do yardwork/clean the kitchen multiple times, so I’ve accepted that sometimes it comes to yelling that you’re busy with schoolwork. Most likely you’ll find yourself doing the same.