It’s that time of year. The air smells like rain and everyone’s tan and glowing and happy. And everyone seems to be falling in love. Except you. What happens when everyone seems to be pairing up and you’re the one left standing alone at the skating rink with the guy wearing sweatpants who SOOO does not want to be there (I mean, he wore sweatpants) while everyone else is skating glove-in-glove?
Then it’s time to throw down some Will Ferrell “Blades of Glory” moves and enjoy the moment for yourself. Yeah, it’s hard. Being around people in love, it’s a trip. But you decide what kind of trip that it’s going to be. It’s easy to be the Debbie Downer and complain about how there’s no guy (or girl) right there right now for this moment. But it is so much better to throw feelings of third wheeling out the window and become part of a family. I’m not saying go snuggle in bed with them or invade their dinner dates, but make an effort to not just be the stereotypical sullen single friend.
Accept that they are at a different point in their life than you. A very close friend once explained ‘there will be times when I’ll be single, there’ll be times when you’ll be single, and then there will be times when one of us has someone and one of us doesn’t’. And that’s true. That’s just life.
We’re not meant to coordinate our love lives around our friends’ love lives, or be with someone just because it’s convenient at the time and “everyone’s doing it”. They are there to help you figure out what he really meant when he said “come over” and you’re there to let them vent about how bucket hats should be prohibited in all public areas.
Take it from someone who has spent the better part of a year third (and fifth) wheeling. It is so much better to make the effort not only for your friends’ relationship, but for yourself. Start looking at the relationship as just another connection to a new person and possible friend. Odds are, you make the effort and so will the boyfriend/girlfriend. And the third wheeling awkwardness evaporates into thin air.
While doing this also keep in mind of your place. It’s okay to be protective of your friend, but don’t be invasive. You don’t need to know anything about their relationship that they don’t want you to know. And understand that they’re going to want time alone together. That’s part of the relationship package. And if you go out together, always cover your share. Dinner, movie tickets, etc. They signed up to cover a boyfriend/girlfriend. Not bf/gf plus friend.
And it’s okay to feel not a part of it. Because, well, you’re not. You’re friendship is a completely separate thing than their relationship. That’s how relationships work. It’s also okay to look in on them from the outside and think “hey, I want that kind of connection with someone.” But also understand every relationship is different. It might not be the time in your life for that kind of commitment. Or maybe the person you’re meant to feel that with is halfway across the country. Don’t let your impatience spill onto their happiness.
Instead, play the best third wheel possible. Whether it means lending a key so he can drop off some roses for when she gets back from class or helping her get dressed because she has no idea where he’s taking her, but you do. Because you’re the best friend. And that’s just what best friends do. They’re there for the bad times AND the good times. That’s part of the deal.
Happy Hunting.