This isn’t some Cameron Diaz dynamic duo happy ending story of the other woman. There is no forever united friendship put in motion because one man couldn’t keep it in his pants. In fact, the only thing the leading lady of this story has in common with our favorite Hollywood bombshell, is the fact that they both had no idea that they were in fact, the other woman.
The story begins way back to the days of orientation, where everyone is just excited to be experiencing college for the first time. Because of course, orientation is exactly what real college is like. Said no upperclassman ever. It was during these days of rushing around between info sessions and awkward first impressions that everyone hoped would never last, that our leading lady, we’ll just call her L, met him, H for short. H was a somewhat attractive fellow first year who passed the first-impression good vibes test. A flirtatious but seemingly genuine fellow.
A textationship began, L and H were side by side through presentations, with scant moments of physical contact here and there. A rubbed shoulder, a brushing together of legs sitting side by side. It was all innocent. Supposedly. On the night of orientation, L wandered down the hall to visit H, and after the heat escalated and decisions were about to be made, L stopped and asked, “are you cheating on your girlfriend?” There was nothing but a gut feeling that pushed her to ask this. As he confirmed with an unapologetic “yes” that gut feeling turned into a nauseous guilt that would stick with L for the next seven months.
The excitement of meeting someone new, someone who seemed interested and exhilarating, was suddenly brought down to a whole new low. Question after answerless question rolled through L’s mind. “Why wouldn’t he tell me before it got that far?”, “do I tell her?” and “what have I done?” She knew she had done something wrong, even if it was unknowingly. It was the next day L discover H’s girlfriend was not only real, but she was at the very same orientation.
Orientation ended and the summer months continued and August rolled into September, the thought of returning to college left L excited, but with a level of wariness. Throughout the summer months L had remained friends with H, remembering the first moment of meeting him and how it felt to have a friend so early in the college experience. There was no more physical contact or face to face conversation, just a continued relationship through text that faded with the September foliage.
Classes began and L faced an unwelcome surprise. H’s girlfriend was in one of her first classes. L felt a budding friendship start to grow and with it grew the feeling of guilt.
L made other friends that semester, among them one of her best friends that would soon make this love triangle more of a web. One night, after visiting a friends room, L discovered H wasn’t over his eager cheater phase. The best friend was looking very comfy on H’s bed. H gave L a single glance containing no recognition of her prior existence. It was the next day after expelling all of this energy to a friend that L learned of another girl who had slept with H in the first week of school.
Over the first semester L and the girlfriend got a bit closer. The kind of friend to do homework with, sit with in classes with no other recognizable people. Then for the first time, the girlfriend brought up H and their long term relationship. Looking back L knows this was the perfect opportunity to tell her, but a part of her knew that once those words came out, the friendship would dissipate into something a little more toxic than nothingness. For weeks L played this game with herself, asking the question “what do I tell her”, “when do I tell her”, “should I even tell her at all”.
L made contact with H for the first time in months, in order to figure out what to do about the situation. She felt approaching him would leave her with answers, even if they didn’t improve anything else, at least she would have answers. She asked him a simple question. Why? Why do this? Just why? Why would he do this when he had a beautiful, smart partner in his life? He compared it to drug addiction. A high that couldn’t be replaced by even the purest line. And beautiful, smart partners don’t need to know about drugs. Especially one H didn’t intend on doing again.
H forgot one thing in his little analogy. Drugs, real drugs, don’t talk. L knew in this moment it was time for her to come forward. But things were made complicated. L came forward, admitting to the girlfriend her role in H’s life. Along with the girlfriend, another friend who also happened to play a role in H’s life was in the room. As L looked to this friend, expecting her to admit her sins, the “friend” said nothing, did nothing. The girlfriend cut ties from L and kept faith in H.
Suffice to say, the web involving L fell away from her. Her biggest regret is not coming forward sooner. She came into this situation as innocent as every other orientee of Lasell College. She was looking to build relationships of the friendship kind and otherwise. It just so happened she was hooked in with the wrong person. L admits time and again that she wishes she had told the girlfriend sooner. But even if she had, she feels the outcome would have been of similar effect. H and the girlfriend stayed together for a time well beyond the situation involving L, but eventually separated, with the girlfriend quickly becoming entwined with another interest.
Currently L is trying to regain faith in the idea of relationships and becoming comfortable with herself and the decisions she made. For two years she’s held this one small moment of her past within, fearing the shame it would bring upon her. But she is not her past. Her lessons have been learned and she uses that to aspire to be a better person everyday.
So before passing judgment, realize that we don’t choose who is pushed into our life by fate. We can only choose how to move forward with the challenges those people bring. And remember, one decision does not define a lifetime.
Happy Hunting.
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