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I had the realization the other day that my dreams are starting to come true. My senior year of college is quickly approaching, and things such as my teaching practicum are feeling more real. I then began to wonder if my younger self knows that these things are happening and that there is so much in our life to love. I’ve been making an effort to embrace all the past versions of myself because they are still a part of me and shaped me into who I am today. All of this got me thinking of what I would tell that little girl if she were sitting in front of me, and I wanted to share that advice.
Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to be “sensitive.” I felt my emotions deeply as a kid and did not know how to process or regulate them. Oftentimes, I would cry as my first reaction, and this got me labeled as a “sensitive” child. I think a lot of it was anxiety, but I was also just very emotional, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I would feel silly for getting upset in this way, and I wish I knew then that my emotions were valid and that crying as a response is okay as well. As I got older, I began to have that feeling when it seemed as if negative emotions had no end. It was hard to visualize a “light at the end of the tunnel” where things would feel better. My therapist gave me the mantra of “This feeling isn’t final,” and it has helped me so much by reminding me that my negative emotions won’t last forever, which is something I wish I could tell my younger self, too.
Your interests aren’t weird, and you didn’t deserve to be judged for them. My love of reading started early on, and books have always played a major role in my life. I think part of why I pursued teaching is because I love books so much. To this day, I still do not leave the house without at least one book on my person. But as a kid, I was sometimes seen as “weird” for enjoying reading and having my nose stuck in a book whenever possible. As I got older, I started holding in my interests and would really only share them with my friends who had similar interests. I don’t hold any resentment toward my former classmates, I just wish it hadn’t been so normalized to judge kids for the things they were passionate about. I look back on all the things I loved when I was younger, and I feel such a sense of nostalgia for when I would be utterly consumed by my interests. I love it when kids are interested in unconventional things because it makes the world a much brighter and unique place.
Your dreams will change as you grow, but you will find your calling. I resemble Esther Greenwood from The Bell Jar in that I’ve always wanted to be everything all at once. My dream career changed constantly as a kid, ranging from “pop star” to “famous author” or “nurse” before I finally discovered my love of education and teaching. The through-line I see in all of these different careers is that I wanted to do and create something meaningful, and I think teaching encapsulates everything that younger me wanted for our future. Again, the realization that everything I’ve wanted and worked for is coming true has been hitting me hard lately. There’s a sense of pride in knowing that I never gave up on myself, and all of my younger me’s dreams are coming true, even if they aren’t what she originally envisioned.