Getting out of my past relationship was by far one of the most difficult things I have had to do. I did not realize the unhealthy position I was in until I was out of it. There are so many things that I was not prepared for, and that is different from ending a healthy relationship. From my own experience, here are a few of the things I wish I had known.Â
I really didn’t realize how toxic it was until I was out
I had heard this said in the past, in movies and books and quotes, and from people I love. But I never really believed it until I experienced it for myself. How can someone not realize that they’re in a toxic relationship, right? It is not even that I didn’t know my relationship was unhealthy, but more so that I ignored all the signs screaming at me to leave. I looked past all the red flags and only searched for the green ones. Looking back, I see how many excuses and reasonings behind my exes’ behaviors were just so I could keep her. It became clear once I finally did leave, that the relationship was not healthy, and that I deserve a lot better.Â
I get to do all the things I was restricted from
In the five months that I have been single again, I have gotten to experience so many things that I wouldn’t have gotten to do if I was still in a relationship. I have spent so much more time with friends, going on spontaneous adventures, focusing on my academics, and just learning about myself. I started reading again and writing poetry. I don’t need to check my phone every five minutes to see if there’s a crisis on the other end of it. I can just live.Â
Other people will fall in love
This has been a difficult one to come to terms with, but it is true. Life keeps moving, and things don’t come to a halt when you are heartbroken or healing. But I have recently chosen to view this as a beautiful thing. The people around me will continue to build their own relationships or fall in love with people who are good for them. It was hard at first to see all of my friends in their own healthy, loving relationships. But after having the time to heal and move forward, I have found that I am happy for them more than anything. I get to watch the people I love, be treated and loved in the ways that they deserve. It also gives me hope for my future, and that someday I will also attain this.Â
I don’t need to feel guilty for moving forward The most important lesson I have learned from my experience with an unhealthy relationship is that I never need to feel guilty for putting myself first and moving on. I am allowed to feel all of my feelings. I am allowed to be writing about it in this article right now. And I am unapologetic for it because this is part of moving forward to better things.