To be bisexual means to be sexually or romantically attracted to more than one gender. I came out as bisexual to my friends in 2013, to my dad in 2016, and to my mom and other family members in 2017. With the exception of a few, everyone was very supportive. I was lucky to have such a strong group of people who cared for me and my well-being; as long as I’m happy, that’s what matters. However, I often get questions and statements from people that still irritates me. Here are 5 things that I, and many other bisexual folks, are tired of hearing:
- “You must have a lot of threesomes,” and “Can you be our third?”
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Just because I’m attracted to both genders does not automatically mean I want to have sex with you and your partner. A person being bisexual is not an invitation to ask for a threesome, especially if you don’t even know them. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me to be their third, I could pay off all my debt.
- “You must like everyone,” and “Can you even stay loyal to one gender if you like both?”
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No, I do not like everyone – I do have standards. Yes, I can date one gender without being unfaithful. I also hate when I have new same-gendered friends who assume me being nice to them is flirting. Being nice is not equal to flirting; if you’re confused then ask instead of assuming.
- “It’s just a phase.”
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Ah yes, this is a famous line from many not-so-accepting family members. The assumption often is that bisexuals are just “experimenting” and will grow out of it. Bisexuallity is often not taken seriously, and people tend to assume we will eventually choose one gender over another. Hate to break it to you, but this is not a phase, mom.
- “Oh, you’re dating a girl/guy now, does that mean you’re straight?”
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Just because I’m dating a guy today doesn’t mean I automatically convert to being straight. I won’t be suddenly unattracted to girls because I’m in a relationship and vice versa. Sexuality isn’t a switch you can flip to change what gender you’re interested in.
- “Who is the guy/girl in the relationship?”
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Repeat after me: Relationships DO NOT need gender roles. For example, if we both identify as female then there is no need for there to be a “man” in the relationship. Gender roles are socially constructed and unnecessary. This question also makes many non-binary folks very uncomfortable because they do not want to be assigned to a gender, especially when that label is being placed on them by someone else.
Your sexuality is whatever you want it to be and nobody has the right to tell you how you need to act. You can define your sexuality however you want to, and don’t let anyone place a label on you. You are your own person and you can make your own choices. Let’s work on educating each other and avoid making assumptions about sexuality.