So you’re about to enter the big, scary, adult working world and you don’t really have any idea what you’re doing. But for some reason everyone and their mother thinks it’s a good idea to bombard you with anxiety inducing questions.
Adults mean well, but don’t they remember how frustrating it was to constantly get asked questions you don’t know the answer to? Here are some responses that are sure to make sure you never get bothered again.
10. Q: “How are things at school?”
A: “Eleven”
9. Q: “Are you in a relationship yet?”
A: “I’m very committed to my school work. It’s a very exclusive relationship and I don’t make or have time for anything else.”
8. Q: “Are you enjoying your classes?”
A: “You know, I really am. I realized I get the best sleep of my life while slumped in a wooden chair in a class that has nothing to do with my major. It’s really been beneficial to my mental health.”
7. Q: “Have you applied to grad school yet?”
A: “I thought about it and I almost did..but then they released Gilmore Girls on Netflix. Have you seen it?”
6. Q: “What kind of jobs can you apply for?”
A: “None. No jobs because they don’t exist. Well, except for internships.”
5. Q: “Why don’t you want to go to grad school?”
A: “It is pretty strange that I don’t feel like paying another $50,000 or so that I don’t have, isn’t it?”
4. Q: “Did you decide where you want to live next year?”
A: “Not quite. But I did decide I should live SOMEWHERE. It’s much better than nowhere.” 3. Q: “What places have you applied to for jobs?”
A: “Was I supposed to be doing that this whole time? You mean they don’t just ship you off somewhere after graduation? My diploma isn’t a guarantee for job placement? Ok well I’m in trouble.”
2. Q: “Have you thought about your future?”
A: “Yes! I know exactly what style of wedding dress I’m going to wear when I marry into a rich family.”
1. Q: “What are you doing after graduation?”
A: “You know, I thought I’d just move to Mars.”