Hello again! We hope everyone is okay and starting to look forward to the Christmas break. If you’re going to take one night off this week (which you definitely should) then you should spend it at the German Market! It’s back again and as brilliant as ever, with so much yummy food. Meanwhile, we have been answering all your questions so keep emailing them in; remember we will keep it completely anonymous! :D
I’m in my first year at uni and my boyfriend from home and I have managed to survive so far. We have got into a routine of phone calling regularly, skyping once a week and seeing each other fortnightly. However, because we’re so used to this, I’m worried how we will manage when I’m back for the Christmas holidays and we have a whole month together. I’m scared we’ll just get on each other’s nerves and won’t remember how we used to be before I went away to uni.
Firstly, well done for making it this far! Many people struggle with the distance so the fact that you and your boyfriend have managed to overcome this shows you are already stronger than you think you are. However, even though a routine is a good way of coping, remember that a relationship shouldn’t always be so structured; so if you miss him or just want a chat, then an extra spontaneous Skype session or a quick late night phone call shouldn’t be off limits. And if you have finished all your deadlines and he has a weekend free then an extra visit should be allowed too, don’t feel your relationship has to be confined to such strict guidelines or routines. This way you should hopefully start to look forward to your month at home and see it as an opportunity to spend time together that you do not normally have. Also remember that it is normal to sometimes get on each other’s nerves, but then you can easily have some time apart and see your friends and family instead. Just be sure to make the most of being at home together in the same city again, as we’re sure it will fly by and you’ll be back at uni before you know it.
I’m a third year and haven’t slept with many people and have only ever had one one-night-stand. However, that was until recently when I’ve found myself getting way too drunk on a few night’s out, so much so that I often wake up with very little memories of the night before but it sometimes involves me ending up at random boys’ houses, where I find myself having to do the dreaded walk-of-shame. The rest of my flatmates are in relationships which makes me feel like my behaviour is far too promiscuous and it’s embarrassing when they fish for details of my night and I genuinely can’t tell them as I just don’t remember. Am I out of control?!
No! It certainly does not sound that way to us! You are single and there’s nothing wrong with having fun and enjoying yourself; it doesn’t have to be a ‘walk-of-shame’ unless you genuinely feel that way and only then should you consider changing your actions. If you’re flatmates are in faithful relationships then you’re bound to be more promiscuous than them, but just think how they would behave if they were single. However, it is a concern that you are getting so drunk you can’t remember, which could mean you are risking putting yourself in very unsafe situations, where you could have unsafe sex, or someone could even take advantage of you. We strongly urge you not to drink as much in future, this might avoid the embarrassment you talk of; however, as long as you value and respect yourself then there’s nothing wrong with having some ‘safe’ fun.
One of my flatmates recently had their girlfriend come to stay, which the rest of us have no problem with since many of us also have our partners come and visit at uni too. However, the next day, after she had left, we found a used condom in our communal lounge and suspect they had sex in there! We all find this very disgusting and very disrespectful as the rest of us wouldn’t dream of having sex anywhere other than our bedrooms, not when we live in a shared house! We want to make sure this does not happen again, but we just don’t know how to tackle this problem!
We too agree this is disgusting, disrespectful and completely out-of-order. However, this was most likely not your flatmates intention, some people just don’t have the same boundaries. But, you must tackle this problem immediately in order to prevent it happening again or before it starts to cause a problem within your friendship. We think the best way to deal with this is with a humorous yet serious approach. We suggest you place a new, unused condom (as you will have hopefully disposed of the used one by now!) on the couch where your flatmate can’t miss it, and leave it with a note politely telling him that next time he and his girlfriend should stick to the bedroom, and maybe even stick a new set of house rules up with number one on the list stating ‘no sex in communal areas’!
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Francesca Foulkes and Chantelle Thompson
… Sometimes it can take a painful experience to make us change our ways…