I have many hopes for this academic year, and just like most people, I would be happy to pass my assignments and thus the year. However, now that I am in the final year of my postgraduate degree, I hope to finally graduate, and I would like to do well enough that I can continue into PhD study as well as pursue my other life goals.
But underneath all these hopes for a successful academic year, there are a few things that continue to hold me back from enjoying the full experience.
The first is, unfortunately, my physical and mental health. Both these issues have been troubling me since January this year. I’m the kind of person who tends to try and ignore the issues until they become something that majorly impacts my day-to-day functioning that I have to stop and focus on healing.
Thankfully, my mental health is relatively stable in most aspects. Albeit so, I am now dealing with some severe physical health problems, leaving me worried that I may have to stop studying for now. Logically I know that if a friend was struggling as much as I am right now, I would have told them to take a step back. But being the stubborn fool that I am, I continue to ignore my own struggles, pushing me to the edge of my breaking point – something I hope does not happen. While I am in the process of seeking medical help as I write this and I am taking steps to become somewhat healthier, I fear this is a long road ahead.
My second, and surprising issue, is my negative reaction towards the return of face-to-face teaching this September.
When I started my Master’s degree in 2020, I was aware that I was coming into a degree during a pandemic and that I wouldn’t have the traditional university experience on campus, at least for the first year. I had hoped that I would eventually get the on-campus experience at some point that year, but as time progressed and further lockdowns took place, I soon learned to accept that it just was not meant to be that year. I could thus only hope that my final year would allow me to have a little experience of being on campus, even if it was only a small portion of my time.
This became a reality in September – I, as well as many others, are now experiencing blended learning with lectures online and seminars in person. I’ve finally been on campus this year! I’m not sitting in front of a computer screen for every lesson, confined to a corner of my bedroom, so I should be happy right?
Wrong.
I’m not sure what it is, but being on campus has been a much more stressful experience for me than I was expecting. There is something about being on campus that I’m simply not enjoying. I do not understand why – I’ve worked through the pandemic and returned to face-to-face scouts in April, so this is definitely not my first rodeo being in groups since the first lockdown. By right, I shouldn’t be stressing about it to the extent that I am.
That said, as time progresses, I am starting to find it a bit less stressful for I’ve given myself some time and space to process my thoughts and feelings on being back on campus. I’m aware that I am not the only person who has felt this way and that for many of us, it is a long road to feeling safe while being around others.
So, what exactly am I hoping for this year? Part of me does hope that I can overcome this fear and begin to enjoy being on campus and around other students. I do hope that I gain confidence and can spend longer than just the duration of my seminars on campus without feeling stressed and worried.
I’m desperate for the experience of this year to be positive and one in which I get the complete university experience that many students have longed for since the first lockdown. Hopefully, it happens.
Words by: Katy Colbert
Edited by: Harsheni Maniarasan