It’s after Valentine’s Day, and your self esteem is low. In one hand there’s a donut, and in the other, a slice of cake. We’ve broken our New Year’s Resolutions, Lent is but a thing of the past and your gym membership is only making your bank balance thinner.
We turn to our most unpredictable friend, alcohol.
It’s not long before the singles turn into doubles, the doubles turn into pitchers, and the bar turns into your dancefloor. You’ve stolen too many items of fancy dress costumes, and you’ve got with a man dressed as a mutant ninja turtle. You’re a step closer to featuring on ‘embarrassing nightclub photos’ and somehow, going to Space actually seems like a brilliant idea (it never is).
Space nightclub is prime territory for man-eating activities. Everywhere you turn there is some innocent fresher having his face sucked by some sex deprived postgraduate. As the only girl in there not wearing high tops and a geek t-shirt, you stand out, but you’re attracting the wrong sort of guy. Unless you like the overpowering stench of aftershave and the fake tan residue left on your sheets, the guy that’s staring at you is a definite no-go. And the guy that’s just pinched your bum? Unless you have a paper bag at the side of your bed, he’s not an option either. Then there’s one guy, he’s got dimples, the strength to pin you against the wall and he’s the only decent guy who hasn’t tried it on with your friend first. Then he admits, he’s actually from the Met.
If no one else would find out, would you? (Are you drunk enough for this?)
I hope that most of you have had a very good start to 2013, and for those who haven’t had such a good time in the relationship department, I advise you to go for a boy cleanse, rather than the opposing boy binge. Your lady-parts will be grateful, your flatmates will be grateful and very often there isn’t enough alcohol in the world to imagine the guy on top of you is someone else. And it just gets awkward when you shout out someone else’s name. Especially when it’s his best friend.
Anonymous
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