Officially accepting applications for a winter boyfriend. Must be willing to do Christmas activities with me. No gift exchange required.
The single pringles out there are only weeks away from the Christmas deadline: thou must find a boyfriend before the snow comes. I’m getting the consensus that “I need a boyfriend over Christmas to keep me warm” has gone somewhat global (apparently vibrators and a coat don’t exist over the Christmas period) and the sheer fear that Christmas day will be spent alone has made way for buying mistletoe in excess, hoping for a kiss at Christmas that’s not from an over intoxicated Grandma.
Top 3 reasons to have a boyfriend at Christmas
Extra food
With food being such an important factor in life, the idea of two Christmas dinners is enough for most of us to accept a ring on our finger. Christmas dinner at mine at 12pm, Christmas dinner at his at 3pm. Man vs. Food has seen nothing yet; extra helpings of roast potatoes are always welcome. Let’s just hope our guys like a girl with a healthy appetite.
Gifts
If you are indeed a material girl, living in a material world, then you may enjoy the presents that come part and parcel with having a boyfriend.
Caution boys: Christmas gifts are often opened in front of parents, be aware that Daddy dearest may not appreciate the kinky underwear you’ve got for his precious daughter.
Christmas dates
In the famous words of Buddy the Elf, “first we’ll make snow angels for a two hours, then we’ll go ice skating, then we’ll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookie dough as fast as we can, and then we’ll snuggle”. When you are blessed with the elegance and balance of a drunk baby elephant and your other half fancies testing your mad dancing-on-ice style skills, it can be a necessity to have a strong boyfriend to hold you up (or just a little bit more dangerous).
For those similar to myself who have repeated unfortunate experiences when it comes to dating or those with no desire to become all coupled up, I offer you the opportunity to participate in the Christmas drinking game: every time a relative asks whether you have a boyfriend yet, help yourself to a shot. It’ll become clear to your relatives after you’ve consumed your weight in jager why you are destined to be forever alone.
Anonymous
Image sources:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/belief/2010/nov/20/christmas-party-ban-welsh-nhs
http://www.tiapresents.com/christmas-gift-ideas-for-boyfriend/