This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Leeds chapter.

Making it work – how to cut it long distance

Being Valentine’s Day this week, I thought this is the perfect time to write about the trials and tribulations of being in a long distance relationship. Whether you’re an hour away from your significant other, or separated by seemingly endless miles of land and sea, each long distance relationship has its challenges. But although it may seem to be the ultimate test of compatibility and resilience, there are certainly positives to such a situation.

If you’d told me 2 years ago that I would now be in a long distance relationship with someone living in another country, I would probably have laughed in your face – okay maybe not quite laughed in your face, but I wouldn’t have believed you for a minute. Half a year later, there are some tips and tricks I’ve learned to make the whole thing that little bit easier. There is no ‘size fits all’, everyone’s different, but hopefully my experience will help make the most of your long distance relationship.

Although my boyfriend lives in another country – in a big city in Germany – I consider myself relatively lucky, as living in a larger, urban place, flight connections are generally affordable and available, especially when booked in advance. Unfortunately, I do have to go to Manchester Airport, which is a bit of a pain when I am in Leeds, but it could be worse.

So that’s one of the main challenges – logistics. Whether it’s within the country or further afield, it’s helpful to organise seeing one another in advance to get the best deals and to arrange other commitments accordingly. In my case, being a final year student means we try to pick times in the academic year that avoid stress points with deadlines etc.

In regards to seeing one another, this depends on just how far apart you are and what your commitments entail. I have found it really helps to plan when you’re next going to see your partner. That way you can get on with other things in your life, such as throwing yourself into the university experience, knowing that next meeting is on its way. My partner and I also spend time thinking what we might do when we meet – it sounds obvious, but simple things like that can just alleviate the frustration of waiting and means you’ll be able to make the most out of that time with them.

There are also some quite simple things you can do with your partner that will help make things easier. I know it’s difficult when you’re missing them, especially if you’re ill or just generally having a rubbish day, but trying to stay positive can go a long way. This doesn’t mean you have to be sunshine and rainbows all the time, but organising a Skype or even Whatsapp call, watching a film/series together, or even just sending one another pictures or voice messages can really help you feel that bit closer to your partner, wherever they are. These things help you maintain a good level of communication and a positive attitude– everyone does it sometimes, but getting too bogged down in the ‘I miss you’s is only going to make you feel worse.

Patience and forgiveness are also key to good communication and facilitating a long distance relationship. It sounds cheesy, but these sorts of relationships are very taxing by their nature, and there are going to be miscommunications, mistakes and times you just get on one another’s nerves. I think this applies to relationships in general, but it’s something I’ve realised to be true even more in a long distance relationship: just let it go. We can get so hung up on little things, when someone has rubbed you up the wrong way or forgotten to wish you good luck on that exam you had, but these aren’t the bread and butter that prove you matter to the other person. Everyone has their off days, so just try and take each day as it comes, don’t hold a grudge for something that ultimately doesn’t matter.

Of course, some issues need to be discussed. If there’s a part of the relationship you’re unhappy with or worried about, try your best to be direct and just tell your partner exactly what’s up. Being such an important person in their life, they’ll want to know if something is bothering you, and if you’re not sure how to go about it, friends or family can often offer helpful advice.

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Making it work – how to cut it long distance

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