“Men are emotionally unavailable.” “Men can only love sports.” “Men need to be more sensitive.” “Men only want to sleep around.” “All men are jerks.” We have all heard these clichés and the truth is far from it.
Although on the surface men appear confident and strong, there’s another story going on inside. But at the same time it might get stressful for the girl to understand her partner if he isn’t ready to talk about it. The whole notion of showing how you feel rather than saying it confuses me. Does that imply that it is important to just feel and never say how you feel?
Expressing how you feel?
According to a survey conducted by Her Campus Leeds, 80 per cent of men, unlike women- who are immensely expressive- do not like express how they feel inside. They are tough on the surface but that doesn’t mean they are replete of emotions. It sometimes gets hard for them to live up to the strong-in-the-face image.
Psychologist Tanmay Chidan says, “ Men are not comfortable to express what they feel inside. But remember they too have an equally vulnerable heart and like to be romanced. In fact they secretly enjoy listening to the tree magical words from their women.”
“I am not thinking about anything!”
When a guy is having a quiet moment, 90 per cent of us will ask: “What are you thinking?” Well, if you ask me, it is a natural question because women tend to go quiet when they are hurt or upset but that’s not how it works for men. If a man is quiet, he is most likely trying to solve a problem, which might not even concern their relationship.
Men and breakups!
We tend to believe that men get over their past relationships faster than women but that might not be the reality. I have a friend who does not even like to talk about his ex. He pretends that their relationship never happened. That doesn’t mean he’s a jerk or that he doesn’t care. It means he is hurt and he’s vulnerable. He doesn’t want to show his not-so-tough side of him. On the other hand, women like to talk it out. This maybe because they tend to have better emotional support network, i.e. they generally have more close friends outside of their relationship to lean on to. Out of all the women asked, 87 per cent of women agreed that they fall in love faster than men- even if the man is the one initially interested- the woman falls for him faster than he falls for her, but if and when a man lets loose of his guards and falls for the girl then it becomes extremely hard for him to get over her. Also, the male ego plays a major role- rejection to a man is very difficult.
How the male mechanism work
After a fight with your partner, a guy’s first instinct is to stop reacting or leave. On the contrary, girls like to talk it out. Our brains are wired for talking things over. But how emotions affect men are different than how they affect women. Men are a cue to physical action, which might lead to terrible consequences. Therefore they try to shut their brains, or calm themselves down first. They would probably stop replying or would immediately leave the room. They need time to absorb what has happened and calmly think of a solution or a way out. So if you and your partner had a fight and he isn’t responding to it, that doesn’t mean it isn’t affecting him or that he cares less, it simply means he needs time to comprehend.
So why are men reluctant to feel emotions?
Men are brought up in a way where they must be strong and secure. They begin to associate emotions, insecurity and feelings to weakness and vulnerability. 74 per cent of men said the main reason why they avoid their emotions is that they cannot stand the pain of what lies within their minds. You never know, deep down they are defending huge amount of heartbreaks, sentiments, love, guilt and feelings of failure.
Photo credits:
http://datedaily.mate1.com/dating-tips-2/dating-tips-for-men/men-cry-six-times-year
http://iitandtheworld.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/how-to-get-over-your-break-up/