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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Leeds chapter.

During my first semester at university, I often felt like I didn’t deserve a place on my course. Achieving grade Bs at A-level, when the entry requirements for my course were As, meant that I started my university experience believing that I was already at a disadvantage. When I browsed through my modules for the first time, and saw that the minimum requirement for getting onto the ones I wanted to study were the grades that I had worked so hard for (and were actually really happy with), I was left feeling like I’d only just scraped my way through. Before even getting to the lecture theatre on my first day, in my head, I was at the bottom of the class. Sitting back and reflecting on this now makes me feel ridiculous; in reality, it was an privileged problem to have when I was granted such an incredible opportunity to study at such an amazing university. Yet, imposter syndrome pervades all people of all social classes, genders, and ages: it does not discriminate.

Something that really stuck in my mind after finishing first year is the moment I received my first essay back. I scored a low 2:2, and the girls that I sat next to in the same seminar achieved firsts. Again, this confirmed to me I did not deserve to be in the position I was in. “Why should I be here when I can’t keep up with everyone else?” was a question I asked myself daily, I felt as though I was falling massively behind, and I continued to get essays returned that included feedback which asked me to “write properly”. (As an English Literature student, this was particularly upsetting, and if I’m honest, became a huge problem.) As well as this, I was regularly stunned into silence in my seminar meetings when hearing how well-spoken my fellow students were, and how many imaginative ideas continuously came from them. Sometimes, I barely understood the texts that we were looking at, and yet they could fabricate complex and unique viewpoints that were beyond imaginable to me. I spluttered, blushed and apologised frantically whenever I had to read aloud in seminars, and eventually I gave up and stopped attending university all together. I felt as though I was not good enough to attend, and therefore my grades, and engagement with the course, went downhill.

That was, until I got my first exam results back. Over the Christmas break, I had an epiphany. I was going to persist with trying to understand my course and the texts that came with it, and I was determined to get my passion for English back. I worked hard for weeks, and still dreaded recieving my results… Amazingly, I managed to achieve a 68! This gave me the confidence boost I so desperately needed, and I can proudly say that without that my persistance, my willingness to improve, and a whole lot of reading, I don’t know if I would be in my third year of the course right now. After this, my confidence grew, my grades went up, and I could speak confidently in any seminar group. Despite some of these achievements seeming minor, I proved to myself that I could step outside of my imposter syndrome, and that I could make my voice heard, and I was so proud of myself. I am worthy of being heard, even if it isn’t with perfect eloquence.

I suppose that it would be silly to suggest that I have never come face-to-face with my imposter syndrome since my first year of university. I regularly slip in and out of meetings with it, but from our experiences together, I’ve learned that it’s normal to doubt your abilities from time to time. I was accepted onto my degree for a reason, and that reason is because I deserve it, and I earned it. I urge everyone to start listening to the little, quieter voice in the back of your head, and those around you that support you, when you put yourself down: they’re absolutely right when they tell you that you belong.

Words by Holly Kelly.

Hi, I'm Holly Kelly, I'm an third year English Literature student at the University of Leeds!
Lover of all things food, books, music, politics and theatre, and Campus Correspondent for HerCampus at the University of Leeds. You can see more of my work at http://www.morganhrtley.wordpress.com and http://www.indiependent.co.uk/?s=Morgan+Hartley