Episode One:
1. I honestly hope that this is Nick’s last time competing for love on The Bachelor, The Bachelorette or Paradise… for real, is the fourth time the charm? I’m starting to think that when you cut your losses, but let’s see!
2. Are we really supposed to believe that the men of the bachelor are buddies?
3. Beside the fact that she’s a mental health counselor (WHY. ARE. YOU. ON. A. SHOW. DEVOTED. TO CRAZY?), Taylor has decided to start off her relationship with Nick by telling him that all her friends think he’s a “piece of sh-t.” So, that’s cool.
4. Confidence is key? Jasmine brought Niel Lane for her first impression with Nick. Maybe it’s just me but I think Kanye says it best:
5. If anything comes from this season, it should be this: A reality show about Corinne, her nanny and her multimillion-dollar company.
6. Jaimi’s nose ring aka her “balls” feel like the opposite of a turn on.
7. I’M LITTERALLY CRINGING. Why would a person be compelled to present a date with a raw hot dog, that’s likely been sitting in a limo for god knows how many hours, and then force them to eat it with you Lady and The Tramp style. Gross.
8. The shark v. dolphin debate is giving me life…. And she has returned to her natural habitat, the bachelor mansion swimming pool.
9. Not to be all Chris Harrison about it… but this season looks like it’ll be the most dramatic in Bachelor history!
Episode Two:
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Award for worst date ever goes to… Group Bridal photo-shoot!
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The vibes are America’s Next Top Model meets Bride Wars
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I really feel for Alexis, she’s undoubtedly been given the worst outfit, shotgun bride…not a great way to recover from her Shark Girl rep
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Adam and Eve weren’t married, right? I don’t think I’m wrong. 99.9% sure marriage didn’t exist in Eden.
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Corinne needs to chill, this is not a competition on who gets to be the most naked, though she’s motivated to make it one.
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CRINGING. Alexis’ fake birth photo shoot may just ruin any chance of her getting out of a friend zone with Nick.
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And the most awkward part of this whole date is when Lacey kisses Nick and says he “tastes like Danielle.”
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Corinne is sloppy drunk, feeling preachy, and “daring” enough to take her clothes off.
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Corrine has used this cocktail hour to give not one, but TWO speeches to the women with sage advice like how you have to look out for yourself.
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I’m sorry but Liz needs to invest in a diary. Pro-tip: don’t tell strangers incriminating secrets.
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First one-on-one is a Bachelor classic—a helicopter ride, time on a yacht, hot tub-ing, and a candle lit dinner no one eats.
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The second group date is at The Museum of Broken Relationships where Nick’s engagement ring for Kaitlyn is conveniently on display.
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All the women have to improvise a “break-up” with Nick. The biggest concern is no one knows him well enough to imagine the end to their non-existent relationship with him.
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Just kidding, Liz does… and it’s awkward as hell.
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Potentially more awkward, Alexis’ birthday party for her one year old breast implants.
Episode Three:
1. All right! Tensions are high with Liz drama beginning with an open forum for “any questions.”
2. Nick chose to wear his grandmother’s rug as a tie?
3. Corrine is channeling future wife material by “turning on her sex charm” and trying to seduce Nick with whipped cream and a “naked” under my trench coat look.
4. Nick seems to think that licking cream off of Corrine’s breast could be upsetting to the other women. Shocker.
5. Is this a Bachelor first? Corinne slept through the Rose Ceremony!
6. The Backstreet Boys! And no heels? Cool date!
7. Really enjoying the competing backup dancers aspect of this date
8. Danielle wins the serenade by the Backstreet Boys to “I Want It That Way”
9. Corinne is having a hard time with “planned dancing”
10. Corinne declares she has a nanny because she’s a “kid” and if she were to have kids then her nanny would take care of them all?
11. OMG poor Vanessa! Puking on a first date, trying to kiss with no gravity… yikes.
12. Nick apparently doesn’t mind kissing people who have just recently vomited.
13. Sooo Vanessa just won the season as Nick’s only “hope.”
14. Group date 2 is a Nickathalon (gag), that’s about as cheesy as Corinne’s pasta
15. Dominique’s naggy-ness about being neglected gets her sent home
16. CORINNE GETS A BOUNCY HOUSE TO IMPRESS NICK
17. The women are officially fed up, and wondering if he wants a wife or a nanny-needing child.
By: Abby Durkan