In the tradition of true British University drama, we’ve got a special treat for you girls over the next few weeks. Written by an anonymous author, we’ve got a few episodes of the “Trials and Tribulations of a Single University Girl” coming up in our Blog section. So don’t judge too hard because we’ve all been there at some point in our lives, and definitely come back next week to catch Part Three of her rather hectic University life!
EPISODE 1: Rom-coms no Condoms…
Romcom at the ready, cup-a-soup’s (cup-of-crap) in hand, and beyond
comfy in that anti-boy baggy and most definitely braless shirt … I
suddenly see the easy root of The Cynic… and still single. Looking
back through the lack luster pages of my own male encounters I’ve had
my fair share of comedy, so how about that romance?
Beginner’s luck really fell short at the first kiss. My own experience
of nervy fourteen year-old boys awaiting that helpful growth spurt was
summarized in one short question no equally nervy girl wants to hear,
“tongues or no tongues?” A couple of years down the line and all but
a tongue tangled tumble in the grass on too many WKDs held little hope
for the future. Then a rising British tradition swooped in with a
floating cape of promise, the real life bodice ripper of the 21st Century,
party islands! An ego boost if ever I saw one – but keep your
standards ladies and gentlemen; they’re crawling with unchecked and
dodgy medical histories!
Give or take a couple club encounters about town, my most reliable
source of romance today falls back to the ever growing love related
genres within Netflix. So I’ve stopped looking. Isn’t it what all the
love struck celebs and Agony Aunts tell us? I refuse to take the
cynic’s “I’ll die an old maid” and “all men are bastards” approach; it
never made for a good movie and certainly won’t encourage any
potential male protagonists of my – stay hopeful – immediate future.
F**k the feared ‘Friends Zone” because come Freshers, a single and
ready to mingle me will be out for friends and friends only. Of
course my healthy relationship with romcoms will remain fully intact;
if I don’t have a romantic liaison with a beautifully clichéd and
corny jock or a dangerous affair with an off the rails drop out…
then I’ll have it online. You just watch!
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EPISODE 2: Romcom junky, comedy magnet, romance repellent.
So I wasn’t greeted with the best boost to my new ‘friends – and if it
gets steamy that’s okay’ look on life/men. Walking back from
Uni, day one, I have no choice but to weave through a gang of low
riding tank top fellas. All of whom gawping like I’d voluntarily broken
up their little impractically placed street party… of such. I made
the next corner only to discover I was being tailed. The guy proceeded
to greet me with excessive hand shaking and lingering and questioning.
Interpret what you may, but when a stranger is uncomfortably close
and asking “where are you going?”, “are you alone?” and “is anyone
waiting for you?” it certainly gave me the creeps. Eventually he gave
up, but not before I could escape a hug and an unexpected neck nibble,
which fired up various cursing from myself, a shove and a mad lady
walk down the street! BUT I REMAIN UNPERTURBED!
Freshers is drawing to a rapid and messy end. With four down and only
two flat mates standing, I head out tonight partnered and prepped for
guy situation A: Neck Nibble, to guy situation B: Decent And Quite Yummy. Maybe I speak too soon, but chunder will not feature; my own personal low did include a scummy kiss with a bloke fresh from the bogs and reeking of vomit. Never, ever again. Wing-manning is off the cards too, due to previous deals and matchmaking hiccups, but that’ll wait a few episodes down the line. Catch up in a few for the
next entry!
(Photo credits to sabotagetimes.com)