“Just have a glass of wine, it’ll make you feel better.” No, it won’t actually, and I know it won’t feel better. Nothing makes me feel better, and I don’t know if anything ever will. So please don’t try to pretend that you know anything about vulvodynia, because even I don’t know much about my own condition.
You might be thinking to yourself; what in the world is vulvodynia? Vulvodynia. It’s a term that most people really have never heard of. In fact, when I tell people that I have this condition, male or female, I don’t think anybody has said they knew what it was.
It’s pretty simple, actually when broken down. Vulvodynia is defined as pain in the vulva, either local (one spot), or general (all over). Basically, it makes it very difficult to have sex, or insert anything, even a tampon, into your vagina. It is described as “an intense burning or stabbing pain.” Sounds awful, right? Yeah, it really is. But here’s the worst part; doctors don’t know where it comes from, or how to cure it completely.
Vulvodynia is not an infection, STD, or skin issue of any sorts, and that’s what makes it so difficult to diagnose and treat. Usually, it is more of an issue with muscles or nerves in the area. It is estimated that about 16% of women will have some form of vulvodynia in their lifetime, according to the National Vulvodynia Association. So it’s not common, but it’s certainly not uncommon, and enough that something needs to be said and done about it. However, it is a persistent issue that doctors don’t know how to do very much for this condition, and many women don’t speak up about it.
I was formally diagnosed with vulvodynia last year, at the age of 19. It was after a year of chronic pain during sex and even bleeding for five days straight after having it once. Since then I have been to various doctors and hospitals, and have found no concrete answer as to what will work right for me. The treatment for vulvodynia involves various things, such as pelvic floor exercises, topical anesthetics, and a lot of therapy. What works for one person may not work for someone else. Vulvodynia can be physically and emotionally traumatizing for some women. From experience, I know that it can put a severe toll on relationships, as well as one’s mental health. I personally am lucky that vulvodynia only affects me with touch. But for some women, they can have constant, chronic pain during regular, everyday activities such as exercising or even sitting down.
Because there is no concrete cure or reasoning for the onset for vulvodynia, many doctors are quick to misdiagnose their patients, or think that it’s all in their head. That right there is a testament to the huge issues that are involved in women’s health care, and that needs to change. I even had a friend that one said “If vulvodynia was a men’s health issue, there would be a cure for it by now.” This is a statement that is very sad but probably true.
I am not going to lie or sugarcoat it; I am terrified. I am terrified as to how the rest of my quality of life will be, including sexual relationships, the inability to have internal exams to check for diseases, and even something as simple as the inability to insert a tampon. One thing that having vulvodynia has taught me is that relationships are about much more than sex, and physical intamacy. It teaches you who is really there for you, and how to speak up and stand up for yourself. It really puts things into perspective. That’s what I want all women to know and be able to do, to speak up and unite together, to know that they are not alone.
So the next time a guy asks me to “have a glass of wine”, during intimacy because they think it’ll “make me feel better” I will still say no. I don’t want a glass of wine, I want answers to this persistent problem that is affecting my quality of life, and so do many other women.
For more information about vulvodynia, visit the National Vulvodynia Association website, as well as their support group here:
https://www.nva.org/what-is-vulvodynia/
http://www.isswsh.org/images/PDF/NVA.Self-help.guide.pdf