Bridging the Confidence Gap

Confidence is a feeling of certainty about your choices, your actions and yourself. It is the feeling that makes you believe you can achieve all you want in your life. 

As Maria played by Julie Andrews from the 1969 musical The Sound of Music sings,

“I have confidence They’ll put me to the test! But I’ll make them see I have confidence in me.”

We all have felt sparks and fires of this confidence inside us. It is something which defines your trust in yourself and helps you to stand out in the crowd. But this three-syllable word is as uncertain about itself as we are about it. Have you ever felt intimidated by someone and then felt your confidence go away?

Confidence majorly depends on your upbringing and exposure, and according to some resources, it is partially hereditary too. Yes, to some extent, it depends on your genes. Although everyone experiences low self-confidence at some point in their life, women are more affected by it. 

From elementary school through high school, girls outperform boys. They get better grades and study harder. Yet when they enter college and the workforce, drastic changes can be seen in their performance. In college, they may still get the best grades and be in the top of their class, but when it comes to leadership roles, their hands are often put down. Often in their workplace there is no provision for them to directly talk to their boss for promotion even if they deserve it. Instead, that space is often exploited by the opposite gender.

Why is this difference present?

One reason is the low risk-taking behaviour of women which sometimes develops because of standards set for them by society. We stop our girls from trying new things and being adventurous. The stereotype of how a girl should look and behave is still prevalent in our society. This discourages girls from taking risks. They are asked to ‘play safe’.

In an excerpt by Sheryl Sandberg in her book Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead, she says, “Our entrenched cultural ideas associate men with leadership qualities and women with nurturing qualities and put women in a double-blind.” This statement is often experienced by women in the workforce.

For example, women willing to take up Mechanical Engineering are often cross-questioned by society about their choice. A very good friend of mine was asked to not join Mechanical branch of engineering because it is dominated by boys. This makes them reconsider their choices and where would they fit in. 

Women are worried about the social consequences of asserting themselves which is also known as ‘Backlash Effect’. This leads to the formation of the confidence gap and there is a need to spread consciousness among women that the confidence gap is real and common. They are not the only ones facing this problem, and uplifting each other through positive words and ideas is the key to overcome this gap. 

Owning your strengths is very important to believe in your capabilities and realising your potential. Discover yourself by exploring and trying new activities. Talk to people who are close to you whenever you feel low. Speak up in meetings and assert yourself and promote your own ideas and work. Learn from failure. It teaches you more than success can and motivates you to work harder. It helps you to reflect on how you can become better. Learn to handle criticism. It makes you stronger as a person and boosts self-belief.

Build a community of people around you who motivate you and support you based on your talent and qualities, not your gender. Believe in yourself. Believe that you are the right person for being the club president. Believe that you deserve that promotion. Don’t shy away from talking to your professor or your boss. Create and be a part of opportunities for young women to observe confidence, to observe people projecting their confidence at a younger age.

Let the world know that you are as valuable as you know that you are.