I am a senior in college during the COVID-19 pandemic. These past two weeks, I have been wrestling with a lot of emotions and coming to terms with how my senior year came to a close. Before I start, I want to acknowledge that my senior year being cut short is not the worst thing to ever happen to me. There are people who have lost their jobs, lost their sources of income, and who cannot leave their homes because they are elderly or have underlying health conditions. There are healthcare providers working day and night to keep us safe, and I can speak for many others when I say that I am so grateful for their work. Yes, my senior year ending early is not the end of the world. It did, however, take away a lot of future memories I will never experience. Instead of my senior year going out with a bang, it went out with a slow, sad whimper.
My university sent out the initial announcement that classes were suspended until early April. I was on my way back from my spring break trip to Nashville, as my friends and I eagerly awaited to see what our university would announce regarding closures. At first, it seemed like it was precautionary. Everyone would go home for a few weeks, let the situation calm down, and then return to daily life. I was excited to go home for a week and relax and see my family. As every day passed, that hope grew dimmer and dimmer. I kept pushing back my return flight to the next week, and then the week after that, and the week after that.
I tried to not think about the idea that my college career was finished. When I received the email last week that classes were suspended for the rest of the semester, I broke down. There was nothing I can do, but I was heartbroken.
I have been grappling a lot of different feelings this week, but the best way I can describe this is by saying it feels like a ripped-off bandaid for a wound that has yet to heal. I knew I was going to graduate, but I was ready to prepare for it with all my lasts. I was ready for my last college class, my last sorority events, my last shift at my on-campus job, senior week as a last hurrah with all my friends, and the eventual lead up to commencement with my family coming into town to celebrate with me. These “lasts” were a bandaid that was going to heal that scab of graduating. It would soothe the pain of that transition and help me heal. My senior being cut short was like ripping off a band-aid on a wound that had yet to heal. It hurts and I wasn’t ready to take off that bandage. I was not ready to end my college year without saying goodbye. I now had an open wound with no closure or comfort.
In any situation, I always try to find a silver lining. The silver lining is that even without a band-aid, wounds always heal. The body takes care of itself and things will start fresh again. The pain is new and the wound is open, but even without that comfort of being able to say goodbye, I will graduate and be okay. I have so many great people in my corner to support me despite the circumstances. I have teachers who are working every second they can to make sure our last few weeks are worth it, even though we are in a totally different format. I have friends to connect with every day to keep in touch. I have wonderful parents who welcomed me back home with open arms and homemade meals. I have a great job for the summer where I can use my college experience to be the difference. The pain is fresh and the wound is open, but that’s the bright side of dealing with situations like this. Even without the band-aid, the wound will heal and we will be okay.