Do an internet search on how to find a job and you will without a doubt find posts about the importance of networking. It makes sense: the job market is fiercely competitive, and networking allows you to make connections that might give you a leg up in the application process. At networking events in particular, you will meet a wide array of people from various industries, leaving an impression on everyone you talk to. Well, that’s the goal at least. The problem is this is much easier said than done for a large, yet often overlooked, subset of the population: the socially awkward.
Those who identify as socially awkward not only get anxious when in social situations, but it can be so bad that they aren’t able to function like a normal human being. I don’t know anything about the theory behind behavioral psychology and all that jazz, but there must be some disconnect going on inside. Their brain is like, “this is scary, I don’t want to be here,” and their body is like “you know what would be fun? Standing in the corner with my eyes bulging out of my skull and sweating through my blouse.” Even when you try to play it cool, words don’t come out correctly and your body doesn’t move properly. Part of you wants to stop fighting, and just let it happen. As they say, “You can’t hide it. You might as well embrace it.” (And, by “they” I mean Sum 41 in their song “In Too Deep.”)
However appealing that tactic might seem – being in personal solidarity with your social awkwardness – it’s probably more appealing to eat regularly and have a place to live after you graduate, so instead try some of the tips I’ve compiled from my experiences in networking situations. You wouldn’t believe it from looking at me (Or maybe you would. I don’t know.), but I was once quite socially awkward. Sure, I’m extroverted and outgoing, and I feed off of others’ energies, but I have had my moments, so you can trust me when I say you will get results from following these simple techniques.
Practice your handshake.
You should probably do this before you actually attempt to network, but if your problem lies in the type of handshake to give, just pay attention to the other person. If you are really afraid of messing up, let them initiate the handshake and follow their body language. If they seem stiff and direct, reciprocate with a firm handshake. If they are more playful and easygoing, then you can get away with a looser grip and floppier shake. A good handshake can make all the difference (as can a bad one) so make it count.
Find groups of two.
This might seem counter-intuitive to someone who dislikes social interaction, but it actually works quite well. Think about it: if two people who just met are making conversation, at least one of them is probably freaking out over the possibility of running out of things to say, so you’ll kind of be doing them a favor. And, bonus, since networking is all about meeting as many people as quickly as possible, you’ll be able to meet double the people in the same amount of time. So, avoid gravitating towards the other loners standing in the corner who look as miserable as you feel. I bet you they’re not getting many job offers. Just saying.
Everyone loves compliments.
So, you introduced yourself. Now what? One of my personal mantras is: when in doubt, compliment! This is much more common with groups of women, but if you have nothing to say, find something – anything really – about them that you like. It can be an article of clothing, their hair color, or even the dessert on their plate. The general compliment template is “I love your [blank]. Where did you get it?” Fill in the blank accordingly. My favorite is when the conversation turns into a compliment-off. That’s always fun to watch. By the end of it, the other person will feel so happy that they’ll probably put in a good word for you in the future.
Food is always good.
Many networking events have some sort of refreshments, so, whether you’re loading up on mini-quiches or having a full meal, use the food table as an opportunity to meet people. When in line, talk to the person next to you because 1) silence is not golden and 2) you need to strategize what foods you’re going to get in the short time you’re up there. Ask them what they are thinking of getting or if they have ever tried a certain food. By the end of it, you will have gotten better food and made a new connection. Snaps for you!
People love talking about themselves.
I’ve found it to be true that people often enjoy talking about themselves more than having to listen to another person gab about their family vacation in Nebraska. Use this to your advantage by asking them questions. Start small – asking where they are from, what they studied in college – and then, before you know it, you’ll have tips on the best beaches to visit in South America. Your conversation might also steer more towards the relevant topics: other networking events, organizations they have worked at, and future career goals. If you ask the right questions, you will learn a lot, and you might be able to use them as a resource down the road. PS: This is where business cards come in handy.
Know when to say goodbye.
As I said, the goal of networking is to meet a lot of people in the allotted time. To do this, you have to develop an exit plan from the clingy people. Some conversations naturally trail off, but others might need some coercion. The best method is to find something in particular that you “have” to go do. I use quotes because you probably don’t need to get another slice of blueberry cheesecake, but it gives you a concrete destination. If you don’t want to leave the other person high and dry, I recommend introducing them to another person (e.g. someone you just met using one of these techniques). Once they’re situated, you can go get your third helping of dessert and bask in the glory of your networking prowess.