We’ve all done it — made the mistake of making out with our best guy friend, spending the night with the stranger from the club, or even hooked up with someone repeatedly thinking that you were “dating.” Somewhere along the line we lost the concept of true love and loyalty. Infidelity and dishonesty has become our young adult culture, our go-to plan of action, our reputation. But where does that leave those of us who want something more?
It’s a problem we as young women face, especially in college. Amongst the stress of class and extracurricular activities, we also long for romance. But today’s hookup culture makes that harder than it seems. Long gone are the days of “going steady” and here we are in the chaos of modern romance. Miscommunication over text messages, social media, and by simple word of mouth is driving you crazy. Honesty is no longer the policy it seems.
For those of us looking for the real deal, for someone to care about fully and not just for a night, dating can be incredibly difficult. We meet someone who we feel a connection with, and the response is mutual. We go on dates, spend the night, occasionally go to the movies and have even introduced each other to our friends. But at the end of the day something just isn’t right. He posts pictures of himself with other girls on Instagram, and they look hella flirty. Sometimes when you ask him to hang out, he goes cold on you. One day you are calling each other sweetheart and the next three he “is busy and forgets to text you.” There are mixed messages being sent all around, and although you are trying your best to be honest and work things out, you have a lot of questions. Are you really even dating? In your mind hanging out regularly and using pet names sounds a lot like dating, but to him maybe you are just “talking” and getting to know one another.
This lack of commitment or desire to be vulnerable with a partner leads to a serious emotional roller coaster ride at our age. Why is it that when intense feelings are there, and we truly like each other, we cannot make the decision to be together? Instead we end up hurting one another. We tell each other that we care and then act as if we don’t. Feelings get hurt and things end badly. Acting as if it doesn’t matter because you were never really a couple only makes things worse. It is unfair to both parties to lead each other on and then leave one another second-guessing themselves, wondering where they went wrong and what actually happened.
We are all a part of this culture, and if we are participating in it or accepting of this behavior, then we are a part of the problem. For those of us who do desire authentic relationships, honesty, and real love, then we need to be able to transform our modern way of dating. If we care about one another, even a little bit, then we owe it to each other to change. That starts with valuing each other as full human beings, and not just somebody to spend the night with.