Chapter 7: The One Girl who Stole my Heart
I’ve only been in love once in my life, but I’ve had the feels for many girls. I’m a person who feels a lot, about everything. I cry easy, I laugh easy, I get overly attached to people that I’ve just met for no apparent reason. My life is an endless rollercoaster of highs and lows, of loops and turns. Don’t get me wrong, this rollercoaster ride is quite enjoyable, I’d rather be like this and be able to feel everything fully than never knowing how intense human emotions can be. But with all this said, I now need to tell you about this one girl. I won’t say her name, nor will I change it, for I don’t think any other name than her own could truly fit with who she is. I’ve known this girl for a little while, about over a year, but our paths didn’t cross for a long time, and it’s only recently that I saw her again, at a party. When I saw her that night, standing a few meters away from me, this really strange feeling took over my body: everything became very still, very quiet.
It’s not that the world slowed down, or sped up, it felt more like the passage of time wasn’t affecting me. The world wasn’t quiet, it was still loud, and everything looked and felt the same, but her. She was beautiful, in a terrifying way. Why terrifying? Because I knew, just from looking into her eyes, that she could break my heart if she wanted to. She walked up to me, smiling, and hugged me. As she wrapped her arms around me, I felt my delicate little heart pulling towards her, like gravity.
-Hi, she said, it’s been a while! How have you been?
Everything, from her green eyes that were staring deeply into mine, to her hand on my arm, like fire on my skin, to her silvery voice, clear like crystal, felt familiar. To me, she felt like home. A home I didn’t know I had, and finally finding it made me realize I had been feeling homesick my whole life.
It’s quite scary, meeting someone like her, and not knowing what will happen next. It kinda feels like when you reach the bottom of the stairs and you expect it to be another step, but there isn’t. So, for a split second, you’re falling, and you feel uncertain towards if you’re going to fall on the ground or not.
I asked her out the next day, thinking she would never say yes. But she did, and from that point on I was unable to stop smiling. This answer was both unbelievable and predictable, because all of this, her and me, it sort of felt like it needed to happen.
Our date was scheduled for the following week, but she had to cancel last minute. From that point on, all my friends were skeptical, saying that she was playing me. But I wasn’t concerned. She felt too familiar, too much like home, and the pull of this gravity between us was too strong for me to be concerned about one canceled date. I’m a very patient person in life, and I’ve always said that, for the right person, I would wait an eternity. Well, in that moment, no one had ever felt more right than her. So I waited. In the meantime, we texted a lot, and this little cloud I was floating on grew and became a giant castle in the sky. Nothing could bring me down. I counted days until the next time I would see her. It turned out that I saw her one evening, about a week before the day we had picked for our rescheduled-date.
That evening, I didn’t feel anxious, or scared, or overly excited. I felt perfectly fine, already comfortable with any of the scenarios that could play out. Whether we were going to have a chance to chat or not, whether I was going to see her for two minutes or an hour, it didn’t matter. Like I said, time around her becomes very still, and any amount of time feels like forever. That night, as she said hi to me, she put her hand on my lower back, and again I felt that fire between her hand and my skin. We talked for a little while before the party started, then some more later that evening. Everywhere I looked my eyes searched for her, and every time I found her the stillness came back.
But then, a week later, the night before our date, she canceled again. I knew, that time, that there wouldn’t be a rain check. Time was not our friend. We are two unstoppable forces traveling toward each other, but one is going way faster than the other.
As I’ve said before, I’m a patient person. So I’ll be waiting here, and I’ll wait as long as this feeling makes sense. I’m glad I can feel everything so strongly, so intensely. If I was unable to, I might not have picked up on the stillness that first night, and none of this would make sense. But if you, reader, knows this stillness I’m talking about, this gravity, this feeling of home, you understand why waiting is not sad, pathetic or stupid, but the only valid option.
So, darling, you…you know who you are…you know where to find me when you’re ready. In the meantime, I hope life brings you everything you wish for, and I’ll make sure I’m also enjoying everything life has to offer. I’ll be here when you’re ready to come home.
Happy Holidays to all, and I wish every single one of you a wonderful New Year.
Clara
Images obtained from:
https://media.them.us/photos/5ae10606dee3990010170969/master/w_1280/IMG_1223.jpg
https://www.cineserie.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/502420.jpg
https://zackdonaldson.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/will-you-go-out-with-me.jpg
http://www.lovethispic.com/uploaded_images/51612-Traveling-Christmas-Tree.jpg