Oscar season is so close I can practically taste it; and based on the early reviews from the festival circuit I am assuming it tastes something like a delicious return to form for Guillermo del Toro (although, I actually loved Crimson Peak for more than Tom Hiddleston’s butt), the world finally appreciating the talent that is Armie Hammer, and the Michelle Pfeiffer-sance (for reference, see the Kidmanaissance; which in our grandchildren’s history books, shall run a similar timeline).
While the throngs of inept, ineffectual, mouth-breathing plebeians get jazzed over the release of new hunks of metal and wiring made by the hands of child labourers, I, an intellectual, am instead entranced by the trailer for Ruben Östlund’s The Square (more on this later).
There has been a seemingly endless cavalcade of stunning, thought-provoking trailers for Oscar-bait movies, and that’s been the only thing keeping me sane at the present. Take some time to watch these stunning trailers, and add the movie premiere dates to your calendar.
- Call Me mother!, September 15
(Shout out to the one person that got the reference to the RuPaul bop in the header above.)
Jennifer Lawrence’s brand of “I’m relatable! I eat food, occasionally!” is vomit inducing and tiresome. A recent re-watch of Black Swan changed my entire outlook on life and made me realize, “Wow-za, that movie is so self-serious it is laughably bad.” Darren Aronofsky dating JLaw is kind of creepy, and even creepier is that in the movie she’s married to Javier Bardem who is also 20 years her senior (the girl dating an older man judgmentally commented). Nothing about the circumstances surrounding this film line up to be anything I would like to see. That being said, the commercial made my skin crawl in the best of ways. This marketing team done good.
Also, Dommy Glees (what I affectionately refer to talented Irish actor Domnhall Gleeson as)!
- Justice for Carol. Wonderstruck, October 20
Director Todd Haynes, an imitable treasure who brought the world the greatest Christmas film of all time, Carol, plans to give us this gift. I can’t really describe what it’s about without just copy-pasting it, but Julianne Moore! That should be enough to convince you.
- I Don’t Have Something Clever to Write For This One. The Death of Stalin, October 20
My god, does this look amazing. From former Veep showrunner, Armando Ianucci comes… whatever this is. I am on-board for absolutely everything happening here.
- Elisabeth Moss Is Our Meryl Streep. The Square, October 27 (Limited Release)
I love, love, love, love, loved Ruben Östlund’s film Force Majeure and this looks like a crazy, Swedish trip that I am ecstatic to take with him again. Centering on a controversial new art exhibit, the film features performances by Mad Men MVP Elisabeth Moss and Dominic West, whom was good on The Affair when I still gave a damn enough to watch it. (It got so bad. Remember when Brendan Fraser was this demented prison guard? Like, what was that?)
It won the Palme d’Or at Cannes, and if it’s good enough for the people who booed the Netflix logo at the beginning of the Okja premiere, it’s good enough pour moi
- I Can Finally Shut Up About The Lobster. The Killing of a Sacred Deer, November 3
I have zero idea what this movie is about beyond Colin Farrell (whose name I have to look up every single time I type it because he is not quite hot enough for me to remember all those consonants. For reference: I never have to look up how to spell Gyllenhaal.) plays a surgeon and Nicole Kidman (continuing the Kidmanaissance in full-force after a stellar year on both TV and the big screen) plays his wife. The commercial has this creepy version of that Elie Goulding song. Strange and wonderful and Yorgos Lanthimos and Kidman and Farrell and everything I could ever want. Thanks, universe.
- Armie Hammer Deserves An Oscar Nom: A Memoir. Call Me By Your Name, November 24
Armie just called out actor James Woods on twitter, who commented on the 7-year age difference between the main characters in Mr. Hammer’s upcoming film. And the tea. Was. Hot.
The film is based on AndrĂ© Aciman’s novel of the same name, which tells the blossoming romance between a 17-year-old and the 24-year-old scholar who comes to stay at his family’s Italian villa. The trailer is chock full of poignant shots of the Italian countryside and people riding around on bikes with Sufijan Stevens playing in the background. A beautiful calm of perfectly lit symmetrical faces in the storm that is our world.Â
- Most Likely, Michael Shannon Delivering a Performance of a Lifetime That Will 100% Be Overlooked By the Academy Because Nothing is Fair. The Shape of Water, December 8
Guillermo del Toro seems like the kindest man on earth. I just see pictures of him and made immediately happy. Anyways, this looks like Beauty and the Beast, but good (this was 1,000 percent a dig at Disney’s live-action version earlier this year)! It appears that Sally Hawkins (a quirky delightful treasure, who might just clinch an Oscar for this) falls in love with a sea creature. I didn’t know I needed this, but I’m happy it exists.
Also, look at this concept art. Freaking stunning.
- “Oh. Haiii, Mark.” The Disaster Artist, December 8
If you are not already familiar with the accidental hit The Room, then oh boy, Alice. You are certainly in for a trippy fall down the Wikipedia/YouTube rabbit hole. It is indescribable, and the movie that the Franco brothers have created about the making of the original looks deliriously wonderful (especially considering that James Franco has since been replaced by Jared Leto in the pantheon of male actors who make you roll your eyes so hard you pull an ocular nerve).
- Two, four, six, oh, oneeeeeeeee! The Greatest Showman, December 25
Since leaving behind ripped abs and blade hands, Hugh Jackman is back in a movie musical. I am shamelessly excited for Zac Efron’s return to musicals, as well. (“Getcha Head in the Game” is the orginal bop.)
Honourable Mentions:
- Frances McDormand: Queen and National Treasure. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, 2017 (No release date yet!)
Yes. Yes. Yes. She is delivering foul-mouthed acting all over the place. She’s at peak McDormund.Â
- Emma Stone’s Oscar Should Have Gone to Isabelle Huppert: A Memoir. Battle of the Sexes, September 22
See. There were going to be more chances to give Emma Stone an Oscar. Her La La Land Oscar should be on the plane to Brno, Czech Republic where Queen Isabelle is filming that new Matt Weiner series The Romanoffs (squee. I am ecstatic to discuss this once we know more.)
- Dommy Glees! Goodbye, Christopher Robin, October 13
This looks charming and lovely.Â
- Saoirse Like Inertia. Lady Bird, November 10
Greta Gerwig’s directorial debut may earn Saoirse her third Oscar nomination before she’s 24. What have you done with your sad life?Â
- Obligatory Jon Hamm Reference © 2017 Gabrielle Lee Gabauer. Marjorie Prime.
No idea when this is coming out, but it looks like a Jon bringing in some his charisma to a Black Mirror-esque scenario once again.
- It’s Not a Turnip. It’s Sh*t. The Little Hours
This movie came out in August, but it is without a doubt the best trailer I have seen in years.
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Links and Images obtained from:Â
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpICoc65uh0, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nu8X9ALV4fo, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V74sHdm76WU, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AMgliTBFKU, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXFZlezHPWM, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caj2OoFUXsQ, http://conceptartworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/the-shape-of-water-guillermo-del-torro-film-art-illustration-poster-james-jean-M01-520×330.jpg, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Room_(film), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMKX2tE5Luk, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXCTMGYUg9A, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5ykcuAS1F4, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQq3aFSijRg,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNi_HC839Wo, https://ewedit.files.wordpress.com/2017/08/000262292hr.jpg?w=2000
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