You know the saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”? I think the world is made up of two kinds of people: the ones who call it bull, and the ones who hold onto it for dear life.
Long distance is something almost everyone has to go through at some point in their lives, but I think university students in particular understand it on a level different from others. Because we’re right on the cusp of adulthood: not quite children anymore, but still so naĂŻve and hopeful. And by long distance, I don’t just mean romantic relationships. I’m talking about friendships, relationships with significant others, and other sorts of relationships too. We go through this as most of us pack up our lives to start anew in the first steps of the real world that is university. For some people, this is harder than for others. There are people who excel at long distance relationships, crossing the distance with their tenacity and their special knack for keeping in touch. But even for them, it’s hard.
And yet, in this day and age, with advancing technology that gives us quick access to the people we love via the Internet, it might not seem so bad. There’s Skype, Facetime, Messenger, and all sorts of platforms to keep in touch with your loved ones from a distance. These are so prevalent and ubiquitous these days, it sometimes feels like you’re not even doing long distance. That’s why they call today, “The Golden Age of Long Distance“. And it really does feel like that.
For about a month. Then you start to miss the little things.
There are just some things that tagging each other in memes can’t fulfill. What happened to the 2 AM sleepover conversations when we dug up our deepest fears and secrets? What happened to the impromptu dinners and bubble tea outings after a long day of boring classes? What happened to daily trips to the library, when we say we’ll study, but somehow always end up in a 2-hour rant about that pretentious guy who said something along the lines of “To play Devil’s advocate…” in that one class? What about the saved seat in the cafeteria?
For someone who has, and still is, experiencing long distance with friends and significant others, I can’t say for sure which is harder. It really depends on the day. But they all still linger, in their own way, and haunt me with their missed calls, unread texts, old photos saved in my gallery.
With romantic relationships, I really do feel that there are only two types of people: those who can’t, and those willing to try. In my past long distance — albeit not very long-term — relationships, I’ve learned that I am someone who is willing to try. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I’m just not willing to give up on love that easily. Unfortunately, both times, my significant other fell into the opposite category. I don’t blame them (for the most part); we weren’t meant to be. But even for me, there were times when it was hard: when our hours didn’t match up and our schedules conflicted, when he had a party one day, when I had one the next. Or even when we would Facetime every night, do homework together, spend hours talking about our day, it was still hard. Because they weren’t here with me. I knew I could do it, but I would find out later on that they couldn’t. And that’s okay. We all learn from our mistakes, and we grow.
Long distance friendships are easier, but at the same time, also a lot harder. I think it has to do with the fact that friendships are fundamentally different from romantic relationships. They’re a lot simpler, maybe. You don’t have to call every day to strengthen your bond. There’s no need to tell each other every little detail of every day — that’s what Skype catch-up sessions are for. Friendships are a lot stronger, and that’s why people don’t try. A lot of friendships go to an early grave because some take it for granted. I was guilty of that my freshman year, and I almost lost one of my closest friends. Now, I try every day not to take her for granted, because I honestly don’t know what I would do without her, how I could have endured the homesickness and the late night studying for midterms if she hadn’t been right there beside me… via Facetime, struggling to study for her own midterms in the morning.Â
I think what I’m trying to say is that long distance relationships are, in the end, a part of growing up. It’s lonely, it’s hard, it’s expensive, it’s another added responsibility. It sucks. It really does. But, it’s inevitable. So I say, don’t be afraid of it. Don’t run from it. Yes, it’ll break your heart every time you say goodbye to each other, every night waiting for the other to hang up first, every night you stay up for another hour wondering if they miss you as much as you miss them. But, again, it’s a part of growing up — growing pains for the soul, if you will. It opens your eyes to the world around you, and also helps you figure out who you are. I know it has helped me figure out what I want and who I am. So, enjoy the long distance blues. It’s sad, but that’s what makes it beautiful.
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