I’m convinced that people are like cell phones, but I’ll speak for myself. Socially, I consider myself to be pretty extroverted, but I definitely need to reenergize alone. The word “introvert” in the dictionary is defined as someone who is “shy and reticent,” but I find that to be misleading. I was under the impression that extroverts and introverts differ in where they derive their energy from: others or themselves, respectively. Though I enjoy being around people, I do not derive most of my energy from social interactions. Sometimes, they actually feel draining. After a long day of socializing, all I want is to decompress alone and get the things on my personal checklist done!
I equate this alone time to charging my social battery. Just like when my phone is low on battery and has trouble completing otherwise-easy tasks, it can feel like we are pouring out from an empty coffee cup, or running on “Low Power Mode.” To prevent ourselves from reaching that state of lethargy, it’s important to take the time and space that we need in order to operate the way we would like.
It can be hard to know what exactly you need, but our bodies aren’t nearly as convoluted as our minds. What I mean is, listen to your body! If it is tired, either give it caffeine, food or sleep! If you are hungry, eat! If you’re feeling lazy, exercise! If you feel like you need to shower but you’re feeling lazy, just take a shower—you’ll feel better afterward.
“Self-care” has turned into something gendered, making it seem like it can only be achieved through face masks and other spa-like activities. Sure, these things are nice, but they’re very temporary fixes to instill calm into our everyday lives. Wouldn’t you like to feel a more permanent peace, perhaps one that comes from within instead of relying on certain external factors (okay sometimes face masks are fun).
Here’s a secret: it’s really not that hard to take care of yourself because intrinsically you already know how to. What gets lost is the part where you feel indebted to others, and between your own pursuits and those of people you care for, you spread yourself too thin. This is where you burn out; your battery dies. Let’s discuss how to avoid burning out.
Do not be afraid of saying “no” to going out if you want to stay in. This doesn’t mean you are “lame” or “boring,” it means you know what you want to do, and you are doing it regardless of what those around you do. It means you are thinking independently, not to throw shade at those who want to go out, but in an environment like McGill (or really college/university in general), it feels like not wanting to go out all the time is going against the grain. And that’s okay! It’s all okay, as long as we’re comfortable with the choices we are making. I love going out with my friends, but not as often as some of them, and more often than others; it’s all about finding whatever balance works for you.
Please, please, please pay no mind to the notion that self-care is selfish. Do not get it twisted. How could you possibly go out in the world and be expected to be a reasonable human being if you are running on 0%? Or even 50%! You simply need to invest more charging time in yourself in order to achieve all of the goals I’m sure you have. This might sound weird, but you should really consider becoming your own best friend. That is, getting comfortable with sitting with your emotions and attacking what needs to be done (like homework) so that you can feel better about things you want to do like hang out with your friends.
Something I just started doing is going to sleep and waking up earlier, just so that I don’t have to rush and I have time to drink coffee and eat before I head off to class. Believe it or not, I can get ready and be out the door in 10 minutes, but those are hectic foodless mornings. Instead, now I take my time; this morning I took a shower and did my makeup and sat around with my roommate drinking coffee. It was great; it made me feel like I could actually get a handle on this whole “adulting” thing. When I wake up earlier, not only do I start my day off pleasantly, but I also have more hours in the day to do more!
See what kinds of little changes you can make to better your quality of life. You may find that you have to be alone a bit more, and that is A-okay. Seriously, whatever floats your boat, have no shame! I’m sure those around you will take notice of and admire the fact that you are DOING YOU.
All the best,
Britt xx