To the friends I made in college,
As freshman year comes to a close, I realize there’s about a thousand things that I have yet to say. I do my best everyday to tell you how much you mean to me, but I hope putting in writing will show you just how much I mean it. This year has truly been a journey. I can’t properly reflect on it without expressing gratitude to the people who have made being at MCLA worthwhile.
Bethany, Shanet, Sin, Max, Krystal, Vincent, Kellie, Bee, Shon, and more. Thank you for being some of the first real friends I have ever had.
I have come to the realization that I never learned how to socialize until this year. It took me eighteen years to find the right group of people for me—or rather, it took me eighteen years to find the courage to open up and become friends with anyone. Through all my years of school, I have had many one or two real friends. The rest, I never opened up enough to truly make a connection with. I never understood what it felt like to love someone platonically until this year.
Thank you for letting me open up to you. Sharing my emotions with friends is something completely new to me. Thank you for letting me talk to you about anxiety and panic attacks. Thank you for letting me talk to you about academic struggles, internal battles, and day-to-day problems. Thank you for listening to me when I am excited, too. I feel blessed to have a group of friends who I can show a full range of emotions around.
Thank you for the unforgettable memories. Some of my fondest memories from freshman year are late night walks to Dunkin Donuts, impromptu dance parties in Hoosac lounges, outrageous laughing fits in the dining hall, and hangout sessions at the library. We have made memories in North Adams, Pittsfield, New York City, and Boston. These memories have shown me how to appreciate the small things, like a cute dog walking across campus or how pink the sky looks over Mount Greylock at sunset.
Thank you for helping me feel less alone, but also understanding that I often need to be alone. I am wildly introverted, which means I need time away from my friends in order to be happy. I am often afraid that this looks like rudeness on the surface. However, after explaining this piece of my identity to you, you have been incredibly understanding. An introvert’s dream is to have friends that understand their introvertedness. I am one of the lucky ones.
Most of all, thank you for being friends with the real me. Before I moved into college, I asked my 15 year old brother for advice on how to make friends once I get to college. I figured he could offer me a unique perspective. He told me simply, “Just be you.” As simple as that advice was, I had never considered it. I always thought the key to making friends was to exaggerate and make yourself seem interesting so people would like being around you. That is what I had been doing for years.
I realized recently that the major issue with pretending to be someone else is that people become friends with someone who isn’t you. They like the exaggerated version of you, but they never get to know you. I have spent the majority of my life pretending to be something else. For once, I have allowed myself to take off the mask and show my true identity. I do still go through phases of low self-confidence—sometimes I wonder if I am too boring, too quiet, too awkward, too hard to connect with. I fear that my tendencies to isolate myself will drive you away. However, you are still here. You still stick with me everyday and assure me that I am worth having around.
I don’t know what I am going to do for an entire summer without you. I suppose I will have to wait around for a few months until we can reconvene and continue our adventure. I look forward to three more years of laughter, dancing, and singing. I also look forward to the crying and breakdowns during finals week. It’s all part of the package.
Until we meet again, do me one favor: keep being you.