October of 2015 was when I came out to my mom. I was at the “lovely” Clark University library in a small room with only a computer and a chair. I sat on the table, feet on the chair, and called her. This was our conversation:
“I have something to tell you,” I said.
“Are you okay?” My mother responded.
“Yes.”
“What’s up, Biddy?”
“I’m really afraid to tell you this.”
“Are you pregnant?”
“No, gross.”
“Ok, then what is it?”
“I was watching a movie and I thought this woman was attractive. And when I say I was attracted, I mean I was attracted to her.”
“Are you gay or bisexual?”
“I’m bisexual.”
“Okay,” she replied simply.
“Are you mad?” I said.
“Are you crazy? Let me go ask your brother and his boyfriend if I’m okay with bisexuality. Why did you call me and not tell me in person?”
“Because I thought you were going to be disappointed in me.”
“Your my daughter, I love you. Gay, straight, bi or tri, I love you and I want you to be happy”
“I love you too, mama.”
“Dummy.”
Just to explain a little, Biddy is my nickname in my house as no one really calls me by my first name. And during this conversation, my mom thought it would be funny to add “tri” in our conversation, as she is telling me and my brother sometimes that we could be trisexuals, meaning “we would try anything.” This is my mother, who I love. My mother is very supportive in my decision in coming out and is proud of me for doing it. Although when I look back at this conversation, I think to myself “15 year old me was really dumb.”
With my dad on the other hand, that conversation went a little different. According to my mother, I never actually came out to my dad. He kind of just knew, along with my mother telling him, which I was perfectly okay with. So, technically Sept. 3, 2018 is when I told my dad I was bi. We were packing up the cars to move me back to MCLA for my sophomore year and my mother and I were talking about the LGBTQ community, and she asked me, “Have you ever told your father you were bisexual?” To which I looked at my dad and said, “I like girls.” To which my dad replied, “Me too.” That was the actual conversation of me coming out to my father. My dad and I have a different relationship than my mom and I, but we are just as close. I’m very lucky and grateful to have such supportive parents who encourage any decision I make, whether it is good or bad, as I can learn from them.
Now, I need people to understand something. Yes, I am a bisexual, but that doesn’t mean I need to date girls—because frankly, I never have. I’ve only been with guys and they’ve all been understanding of it, obviously until they broke my heart. But it just goes to show that I can like both, but date only one. Since 2015, I faced the usual bullying in high school, but since I came out, it was now filled with “Prove to me you’re a bisexual. Go date a girl and maybe I’ll believe you.” I would just like to emphasize the following:
YOU DON’T NEED TO DATE BOTH MALES AND FEMALES TO BE CONSIDERED BISEXUAL. IT IS OK TO DATE ONLY ONE AND BE A BISEXUAL. DON’T LET PEOPLE TELL YOU OTHERWISE.
If there is anyone in your life that is telling you these things, they don’t deserve you. You are so much better than to be told these things and treated this way. Don’t be afraid to come out, it will make you stranger in the end.