Who am I? That’s a question I have asked myself for as long as I can remember. From the second we enter the world, there is an insane amount of pressure on us to determine who we are and what makes up our identity. I have struggled with the concept of self-identity for a long time and it isn’t something that seems to go away as I age. Contrary to many psychologists and theorists, I don’t think there’s a magic age where self-identity is mastered. I think it’s a life-long journey, but it is in my early 20s that I seem to struggle with this question of who I am more than ever.
You would think that over the years I would’ve gained more clarity. For some of you that may be the case, but it isn’t for me. Who am I and who do I want to be? Is it my friends that define me? Family? Career? Dreams? Education? Everyone bases their own sense of self on many different factors. For me, it has always been my education. As I started my post-secondary education at McMaster University, this became more apparent than ever and I quickly realized that many people around me struggled with the same thing. I have spent my whole life trying to be the top student. Any bad grade would lead to me beating myself up, wondering why I wasn’t good enough, or thinking I was a failure. I’m sure many of you have found yourself lying in bed upset over a bad grade, and I won’t pretend that I haven’t been there myself many times. However, it wasn’t until recently that I realized I was my own worst enemy.
Basing my self-identity and self-worth on my grade-point average (GPA) was extremely damaging to my mental health. All of this time I wondered why I could never establish my identity. Now I realize that I stopped myself from doing this by focusing so much of who I was on one thing: my academic success. If you haven’t already heard of it, there’s this concept of academic validation that many students experience. Academic validation is when receiving academic praise, like a good grade, increases your perception of yourself and causes you to hold yourself at a higher value. Based on this idea, I wouldn’t hold myself very highly considering first year of university was very difficult for me. But, I now know I’m worth more than what my grades reflect.
Once I realized that I was basing my entire self-conception on my GPA, I was finally able to make some progress in terms of my identity. I want to be kind, empathetic, giving, have a family, and work in the healthcare field. All these things make up who I am and who I want to be, not just some number on a page. Although education is still an important part of who I am, it is not all that I am. The sooner you too realize this, the better you will actually find yourself doing in school because it alleviates that pressure of succeeding. It’ll also help your mental health and give you the space to figure out who you really are outside of school.
Our whole lives have been spent in school. It’s time that you take your turn to figure out who you are outside of that. Take that semester off that you’ve been wanting to. Take that gap year after you graduate and travel the world. Drop that class that you don’t want to take. It’s okay to take a break from school. You’ve spent your whole life in it; it’s time that you do something for you. Spend time doing things you love and figuring out what makes you happy. If that’s school, then great! But don’t beat yourself up every time you get an imperfect grade. These things happen, and if it weren’t for those hurdles, our academic achievements wouldn’t mean nearly as much in the end. It’s always the failures and obstacles that teach us the most about ourselves. So, while you embark on this journey of life and discovering who you are, remember to tell yourself this: I am not my GPA.