You know those weeks—or let’s be real, event months—when that little voice in your head just won’t shut up? The one that keeps whispering that you’re not smart enough, pretty enough, or just can’t seem to get out of that “funk”? Yeah, that’s your inner critic doing its thing, and let me tell you, that little guy can get really mean.
Sure, self-reflection can be healthy, and some self-doubt now and then is just part of being human. But when that inner voice starts spiralling into a full-blown negativity, setting impossible expectations for yourself, or clouding your sense of self-love and care, this is your sign to reclaim your self compassion.
Over the years, I’ve learned to spot when my inner-critic is getting a little too noisy. And along the way, I’ve picked up a few tricks to quiet it down, nurture my self-compassion, and get back to a place of balance.
- skip the negative lyrics
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\When we’re feeling low, it’s only natural to lean into the negativity—whether that’s through our thoughts, actions, or even the music we choose. Who hasn’t hit play on a sad playlist and let the melancholy wash over them? It feels oddly comforting at the moment, like the lyrics somehow get you. But here’s the thing: as cathartic as it may feel, those lyrics are doing more than just matching your mood—they’re shaping your mindsets. As Brené Brown, famous academic podcaster known for her amazing research on courage, vulnerability, and shame says, “What we listen to and surround ourselves with becomes part of our story.” When we immerse ourselves in songs about not being enough, yearning for more, or feeling stuck, we’re feeding those negative thought patterns.
I’ve learned to catch myself in these moments and hit “pause” on the sad vibes (sorry Gracie I love you, I’m sorry). Instead, I opt for songs that empower me, lift my mood, and help shift my perspective. Words have power—whether they’re in our own heads or in our ears—so why not choose ones that make you feel good?
Here’s a link to some of my spotify playlists:
- Gentle Parent Yourself
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It might feel a little silly at first, but try talking to yourself like you’d talk to your younger self. When I catch myself being unkind, I picture my 8-year-old self standing there, wide-eyed and vulnerable. The thought of her hearing those harsh words breaks my heart because she didn’t deserve them. And you know what? Neither does 21-year-old me.
To quiet my inner critic, I’ve started literally speaking to myself with encouragement. I’ll say things like, “Alright, let’s get out of bed! Today’s going to be a good day.” Or after finishing something, I’ll add, “Great job! I’m proud of you” These small, out-loud affirmations might seem simple, but they work for shifting my perspective.
- Do something for future you
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A friend shared a wonderful trick that really made me appreciate how much we love ourselves. She mentioned that she does small things for “future her,” like cleaning her room before heading out, placing a glass of water by her bed at night for the morning, or laying out her clothes for the next day. These little acts of kindness create a smoother, happier experience for herself later on. A simple act of love for “future us”.
It’s such a simple yet powerful reminder that we don’t have to wait for grand moments to show ourselves love. Even small actions, like cleaning up your space or leaving yourself a kind note, can make life a little easier. Every thoughtful gesture we do for “future us” is a quiet way of saying, “I care about you, and I’ve got your back.”
- Practice one act of self-gratitude Daily
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Back in grade 8, I took on a challenge called #100 Happy Days. Every day, I’d post a photo on my spam account of one thing that made me happy. It was a fun way to connect with my friends, but more importantly, it taught me a habit I’ve carried into adulthood. Even on the worst days, reflecting on just one thing, one little moment, forces us to pause and practice gratitude, shifting our focus to the positive instead of the negative.
These days, I’ve added a self-love twist to this practice. When I’m struggling with my inner critic, I take a moment to appreciate one thing I’m proud of myself for. Sometimes it’s a big win, like doing well on an exam. Other times, it’s something as simple as going to the gym and taking care of my body. No matter how small, these moments of self-appreciation are a gentle reminder to celebrate myself, and thank myself even on the hardest days.
Examples Of my favourite self-gratitude practices:
- Practicing gratitude affirmations: I often repeat out loud something along the lines of: “I am grateful for the love I am surrounded by. The love I extend to others, I extend to myself. It is safe to receive love, I am deserving of love, and I embrace this safety within myself.”
- Taking myself on dates: I love treating myself to little “dates” as a way to show gratitude and self-love. I make it a point to do this intentionally, even if I didn’t have the most “productive” week, as a reminder that I tried my best and still deserve kindness and care. My favourite self-date activities include booking myself a workout class (hot flow yoga and mat pilates are my go-to), ordering Uber Eats and enjoying a cozy movie night, or getting my nails done when I need a re-fresh.
- Grounding myself through restorative yoga/meditation: When I am feeling really disconnected from my body, I like to sit with myself, place my hands over my chest, and connect with my breath. I play calming music and try to visualize myself giving myself a hug. This makes practicing self-gratitude and compassion a lot easier when I feel closer to myself. I call this “returning home to myself”.
CLOSING REMARK
I hope these little pieces of advice can be a helpful tool when you’re feeling down. If you’re reading this, chances are you might be dealing with a bit of self-doubt right now—and that’s okay. I want to leave you with a quote that really stuck with me: “If you’re trying to learn to love yourself, you already do.” Take a moment to let that sink in. You’re already on the right path!