Can’t seem to let it go. Try this shift in mindset!
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you must have at least heard of the “let them theory”. This theory is a new mindset shift recently popularized on social media platforms by many influencers, including my personal favourite Mel Robbins. The let them theory is about letting others do what they do while recognizing that their actions are theirs alone, and you don’t need to face the consequences of them. No, this does not mean that you let people walk all over you, nor is it an attempt to get existing people pleasers to please more people. Instead here, we learn how to take back our power when someone’s behaviour bothers us. Confused? I was too, but let me help clear things up.
Being a human is the only prerequisite to overthinking people’s actions towards you. It’s something we all do, but the degree to which we let this affect us differs. Some get over disrespect pretty quickly, but others sit and pick apart behaviours to understand why it was done, what we did to cause it, how we could prevent it, how it’s our fault… you get the point.
Attempting to understand uncomfortable encounters or meaningful lessons from events is valuable. However, in some situations, this type of reflection often makes things worse for us. This is especially true when you find yourself overthinking events that lead to negative self-reflection. But what if you took the power away from the negative experiences and focused on the positive? Sounds neat right? Well, this is where the let them theory comes into play.
Consider this example: You are an undergraduate who recently went on their first outing with classmates outside of school. You thought things were going great and everyone seemed to have a great night. A few weeks later you find out that the group had two more outings while leaving you out with no explanation. What would you do in this situation? I’d probably spend quite a bit of my valuable time trying to figure out what I did to make the group drop just me. Now, I can acknowledge that anyone in this situation would feel the urge to overthink, discuss and try to figure out what went wrong. If however, we ruminate for days, even weeks, what does that do for us? I think we can all agree that nothing good happens.
Sure, give yourself some time to think about it, but what you want to do is, here it comes, let them. Think about it in the example given. Letting them leave you out and not pondering over it gives you the power back to focus on things you can control and that make you feel good. Essentially, it’s like ignoring the bad in life, by realizing that negative events that you can’t control don’t deserve the spotlight, and instead redirecting that light to things you can control. This can be applied to so many areas other than friendships, like romantic relationships and school, essentially all situations in which you can control your reaction, not the outcome.
We spend so much of our time stressing about school, jobs, opportunities, and uncertainties, all of which seem like valid worries as students in this day and age. But considering so much of our precious time is already spent ruminating over these things, why should we use the remaining free time we have talking ourselves down based on what has passed? Instead, use that time to look toward the future, focus on the things you can control, and worry about your own growth.
If my article here has not provided enough information for you, or I’ve done such a great job that you NEED to know more, here are some sources to learn more about this theory:
- Mel Robbins new book The Let Them Theory
- Considering checking out various podcasts that cover the theory in detail like Mel Robbins own podcast, or her guest appearances
Try putting this theory to work the next time you come in contact with an unpleasant event. Maybe this mindset shift will show to be more than just another social media trend.